


Boys Don't Wear Dresses

by hazelcelt



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Sex, Bad Touch Trio, Crossdressing, Homophobic Language, Lovino's foul mouth, M/M, Multi, OOC-ishness, Oral Sex, minor physical & verbal abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-04 17:40:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4146864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelcelt/pseuds/hazelcelt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Feliciano Vargas likes to wear dresses but not many know this about him and he’s ashamed. Someone in his family finds out and it alters his life. Gerita.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I discovered this prompt on tumblr and I had to give it a go. The prompt was “Why are you wearing a dress?” The entire fic will probably be only 2 or 3 chapters so you won’t have to wait long for it—I just have to go to sleep. I was up all night last night watching OITNB and yeahhhh. I'd love to hear your feedback. Please excuse my poor German and Italian, I used Google Translate. P.S. This is also posted on my ff.net account - keisan.

 

Boys Don’t Wear Dresses

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own Hetalia. I just play with the characters and make no profit from that.

 

_and i can’t change_

_even if I tried_

_even if I wanted to_

_my love_

_my love_

_my love_

_she keeps me warm…_

  
~ Same Love, Macklemore  & Ryan Louis ft. Mary Lambert

 

* * *

 

 

 “Why are you wearing a dress?”

 

I stopped cold. _Merda_.  

 

My mouth dropped open slightly and I turned slowly looking up at Ludwig’s severe expression, impenetrable blue eyes, and slicked back blond hair. I licked my lips nervously, trying to think of what I should say. He never knew about this, about this side of me, that I liked to wear dresses. Not many did and I never wanted him to be one of the few that did know.

 

* * *

 

Nonno told me boys don’t wear dresses. He hadn’t hit me for anything ever but for a moment, I thought he was going to beat me senseless. He was a proud man and didn’t stand for “faggots” in his home. Lovino came to me before he finally came out to Nonno and told me what happened. Nonno said no Vargas is a faggot. I wanted to go with my brother but I was still too young to leave home and Lovi had enough to deal with without me being there, or so he said. He took me aside before he left that day and told me that he would be there if I ever needed him “or whatever the fuck…I don’t even fucking know”. It was very sappy for him (well the first part was), but Lovi had his quirks. I nodded and hugged him tightly until Nonno grabbed him by the shirt to make him leave. I cried for a week.

 

* * *

 

I was feeling a little paranoid but still excited on the first day I found myself prancing around in Elizabeta’s dress. I was at her house and couldn’t take my eyes off a pretty blue dress in her closet. She giggled and grinned at me slyly. “You want to wear it?” she asked.

 

I swallowed and bit my lip fearfully but nodded.

 

She smiled widely, “Oh! That’s going to look so cute on you! Let’s do it! But you gotta let me take a few pictures! Please!” I made her swear she’d never show anyone, that I would be thrown out like my brother if Nonno ever found out. She’d nodded solemnly but grinned when I tied the apron around my waist. I smiled warily but getting to wear this dress every so often was something I would always cherish.

 

A few weeks later, Eliza started taking a fashion design class and wanted to sew me my own dress that I could keep. She said it was an early birthday present. I was over the moon. It was light green with a similar white apron that tapered with the skirt at the waist and flowed out to just below my knees. The fabric was sheer and breathable and while the dress kind of resembled a maid’s outfit (seriously, Elizaveta was weird), I loved twirling in it and putting the matching white kerchief on my head. I really liked the way the outfit made me feel: free, feminine, and more like myself than I could ever show in public.

 

When I got home, I had to look at it again and touch the fabric. I didn’t take it out of the box until it was my actual birthday. Eliza and Lovi called to wish me a happy birthday, both expressing they wanted to wait until the weekend to go out or anything. I smiled and just looked at the box with my dress and said in sincerity that I didn’t care if I had to wait, I was just happy I’d get to see them (though separately).

 

Unfortunately, I was a little too excited and in my own world. I decided to just take out my dress and put it on, what the hell! It was my birthday after all but I should have waited for Nonno to leave the house. He often went on business trips but I was just so excited, I couldn’t wait this time. I bit my lip and shifted open the box running my fingers along the fine fabric.

 

I stood at my door partway open and listened for a few minutes before quietly closing my bedroom door (Nonno wasn’t a big fan of locks especially after he caught Lovi making out with his boyfriend in his bedroom). I squeezed my eyes shut feeling both sad for Lovi and excited to wear my new dress. Even if I could only wear it in my room for a few minutes, it was worth it. I even had white leotards and I was looking at buying a pair of shiny black Mary Jane shoes. Truthfully, I thought it was stupid that boys could only wear trousers and shorts. Who invented the rule that boys couldn’t wear dresses? Monks wore dresses! So did the ancient Greeks. And the Scots wore skirts…well, kilts. I remembered arguing in my history classes and smiled. Well my teacher said they weren’t dresses but I still maintain that they were dress-like so what was the difference now? Fashions went in and out of style all the time. Just because boys wore dresses didn’t mean they were necessarily gay. I was, but that was beside the point. Lovi only ever wore boys’ clothes and he was gay, so dresses didn’t make anyone gay.

 

I pulled on the leotards shivering in delight as they slid up my legs and dragged my fingers along the fabric. It made my legs feel silky and I felt sexy in them. Next, I carefully pulled the dress out of the box and unzipped the back. I stepped into the outfit and pulled it up over my shoulders, the billowy sleeves rested a few centimetres above my elbow. I reached back and struggled to zip up the dress while observing myself in the mirror. I managed it and did up the apron. Then I put on the kerchief (it was cheesy, I know, but it was part of the outfit) and tied it in a little bow underneath my hair.

 

I ran my hands down my sides, admiring how the dress cinched in my waist. I wasn’t really that pretty and I didn’t really look like a girl, but I figured maybe one day I’d have the guts to get myself some makeup and wear it, maybe then I would look pretty. The feeling of the dress was more than enough for now though, I felt a rush of joy and freedom. It wasn’t that I wanted to be a girl, I certainly liked my boy parts just fine, but I just really loved feeling pretty and there were some aspects in traditional femininity that I longed to have and feel. I wouldn’t take pictures of myself like this; I was too afraid that Nonno might find it by accident or anyone else for that matter.

 

I smiled at myself in the mirror, my boring brown eyes seemed brighter today and I pushed back some of my auburn hair hanging in my eyes. I twirled imagining I was at some party, maybe a costume party where I’d wear a Venetian mask and dance with a tall handsome stranger. He would take one of my hands in his and lead me in a dance where I would twirl and he’d hold me close during the slower parts of the song. It was so unlikely because it wasn’t like I was living in the fifteenth century and this was a common thing during the Carnival of Venice.

 

I must have lost track of time because I didn’t even hear the footsteps. All I heard was the door opening and footsteps stopping dead. I turned slowly, fear gripping me (this wasn’t normal because my nonno would never hurt me) and met his surprised gaze.

 

“Feliciano,” he said quietly.

 

I couldn’t make my mouth move, I couldn’t even keep my gaze steady on his. I looked down feeling shame wash over me.

 

“WHY are you wearing a dress? What is this? Are you a faggot? Or is this about your disappointment of a brother?”

 

I still couldn’t make my mouth move or make sounds. My brain was shouting at me to defend Lovi, to defend myself. My mouth was still motionless not making any sounds when he rushed forward and gripped my wrists tightly. I cried out and my eyes teared up.

 

“Answer me! What have I done to make you become...this WAY?”

 

“Nothing, Nonno! Nothing! _Mi dispiace_!” I cried out. “Please let go, it hurts!”

 

He shoved me to the floor and turned to the door.

 

I sniffled rubbing my reddening wrists and wiping my tears.

 

“Get out,” he said quietly.

 

I looked up and he fixed me with an unforgiving stare.

 

“ _Cosa_?”

 

“Get out. I won’t have any fags in my house. You want to follow in your brother’s footsteps, go right ahead.”

 

“But Nonno! I—“

 

“Pack your things and go,” he said. His voice was firm but sounded almost defeated.

I shuddered and brushed a few more tears away, they were dripping down my cheeks probably ruining my dress. But I didn’t really care. My own grandfather was throwing me out because he thought I was gay—as if that was even wrong or something? Because it wasn’t normal for boys to wear dresses? I couldn’t think straight anymore, I was overcome with heartbreak. My own family. My nonno who was there when our parents died.

 

I sniffled again and nodded. “ _Si_ , Nonno.”

 

He paused and walked out slamming the door down the hallway.

 

That felt like the worst moment of my life. I didn’t know what I was going to do, where I was going go. I picked up my cell phone and packed it with a few belongings I could carry in my knapsack. I took off the dress, kerchief, and leotards and pack them in my bag and put on a pair of worn jeans, a t-shirt, and my blue _Italia_ hoodie.

 

The streets were dark, cold, and unwelcoming in light of the state of my life now. I pulled out my phone and called my older brother. We spoke a few times a week. He would call to check in on me and make sure I was okay. He asked me how my homework was going and if anyone was giving me any trouble. He liked to play the big tough Italian (“If you mess with my family, you’re going down and no one will find the body”) but he was a softie inside. All bark and no bite. Well, I thought so.  

 

“ _Pronto_ ,” called his deeper voice.

 

I sniffled, “L-lovi?”

 

“Feli? It’s 11 o’clock. Are you okay?”

 

“ _Si_ …no. I-I have nowhere to go,” I sobbed the words out.

 

“ _Che_? What happened? Where are you?”

 

I took a deep breath and looked around, “The café on high street. Can you—can you pick me up?”

 

“ _Si_ , I’ll be right there. Toni’s coming,” he said. “Stay there and don’t take anything from strangers.”

 

I had to choke out a laugh, ever the protective older brother. “ _Si_ , I won’t. I know what happened last time.”

 

“Yeah you know what happens and I’ll fuck up anyone who says anything to my _fratello_. See you in a minute.”

 

“ _Si_ , I’ll be here. _Ciao_.”

 

“ _Ciao_.”

 

Lovino arrived exactly five minutes later with his Spanish boyfriend, Antonio. I was embarrassed to tell them what happened with Nonno out in public so they pulled me into Toni’s beat up car and drove me back to their shared apartment. I was in tears as they settled me into the house and half carried me to the couch.

 

“ _Mi dispiace_!” I sobbed into Lovino’s shoulder. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have.”

 

Lovino soothed my back and Toni came back into the room with a warm cup of cocoa. Lovino held me tightly and I cried for a few more minutes.

 

“ _Cosa male,_ _fratello_?”

 

“Nonno. He—he made me leave. He doesn’t want me there. Because—“ I broke off. I didn’t know how

to explain. I bit my lip. Lovi looked at me, dark eyes worried, a frown marring his face. Toni sat on the chair adjacent to us holding one of the cups of cocoa.

 

“I-I just wanted to—“ I cut off again.

 

“Feli. It’s okay. You don’t have to say. Can you show me instead?” Lovino asked.

 

I looked down and caught my brother’s gaze fearfully. He wouldn’t tell anyone and he woudn’t judge me. At least, I hoped not. I bit my lip and swallowed heavily.

 

“Okay.” I reached for my knapsack, my body felt heavy and tired, but I opened it and pulled out the box that held my dress. My hands shook but I placed the box on the table. I stood up and opened it and turned, wrapping my hands around myself.

 

It was silent for a moment and then I heard the rustling of the fabric. Toni hadn’t said anything except for a few murmurs in Spanish when I was bawling my eyes out. I heard an intake of breath and I squeezed my eyes closed, wishing this was all just a nightmare.

 

“Feli?” Lovi called.

 

I turned slowly and my brother wrapped me up in another hug.

 

“It’s yours?” he asked, just to make sure.

 

“ _Si_ ,” I hiccuped.

 

He pulled away and gave me a rare small smile. “You didn’t steal it, did you?”

 

“ _Cosa?_ No! Eliza made it. I-She let me wear one of hers and then she gave me this for my birthday and I was just s-so excited to wear it . I’m sorry!”

 

“It’s okay, Feli. Nothing wrong with liking to wear dresses.”

 

“But Nonno said he doesn’t want me there now b-because boys don’t wear dresses and he doesn’t want any ‘fags’ in his house,” I stuttered out.

 

“Fuck him. He’s a close minded bigot who knows nothing.”

 

“Lovi,” Toni chided.

 

“You got something to say, tomato bastard? ‘Cause there’s no reason for this,” my brother hissed out. He looked at me and said, “ _Fratello_ , you can stay here as long as you want.”

 

Toni nodded, “ _Si_ , of course. It’s fine with me too, Feli.”

 

“ _Grazie_ ,” I said quietly.

 

It wasn’t until later when I was tucked into bed in the extra room that I ran the tips of my fingers over my bruised wrists. They were turning a purple already. I curled in on myself and laid there for hours wondering what was going to happen next.

* * *

 

 

I needn’t have worried, I suppose. When one of my sleeves slipped up my arms the next day as I washed dishes after dinner and Lovi saw, he punched a hole in the wall. Toni had to bandage him up and coerce him into not going over to Nonno’s house and beating him senseless. I was grateful. I didn’t want Lovi to get into anymore trouble because of me. I settled with allowing Toni to get me ice for my bruises. After that, Lovi was adamant that I stay with him and Toni (and if “the tomato bastard” didn’t like it, he could fuck off and find a new apartment) from then on. Luckily we had access to our inheritance because it’d already been given to us and we had already changed over the bank accounts when Lovi first started seeing Toni in secret.

 

I focused on my studies and fashion drawings for the next couple of years. I could have easily bought my own apartment with the inheritance but I didn’t want to be alone. At the same time, sometimes it was challenging living with Lovino. Don’t get me wrong, he was the best brother anyone could ask for even if he was a jerk sometimes, but I was getting a little tired of him getting so overprotective all the time. I felt like it was putting a strain on his and Antonio’s relationship, or maybe they always bickered that much. Nevertheless, I resolved to find a new place nearby so 1) I could move out and let them work out their couples issues and 2) Lovi would still be able to come by any time and he wouldn’t bitch too much about me moving out because at least it wasn’t far away. In the end, it was Toni that convinced Lovi that it might be good for me and good for them too.

 

* * *

 

It was on a sunny afternoon that I found myself walking a few feet behind a dark-haired Austrian-born real estate agent, known as Roderich Edelstein. He had a somewhat prissy attitude but he was Eliza’s boyfriend and she made him help me find a place. We found a spacious apartment I absolutely loved after two other viewings and I signed the lease that day.

 

* * *

 

The next most important thing in my life happened when I tripped over my own feet at the grocery store. I went flying across the floor dropping the bag of milk with me and somehow breaking it open. The floor was a sheet of white dairy and I was mortified. I blinked away the tears and began picking myself up when a curse rang out.

 

“ _Scheiße_!"

 

I looked up embarrassed and broke into apologies, all in Italian. My brain couldn’t translate at the moment.

 

"Uhh... Are you okay?“ asked a deep accented voice as the owner gently took my hand and pulled me up.

 

I blinked,“ _Si_. Uh yes. I’m okay. I’m so sorry.“

 

He was buff, tall, blond, and had stunning yet severe blue eyes. He also had a very serious but somehow gentle disposition which I got straight away. He gazed at me and I met that gaze unflinchingly, his face was closer to mine than a stranger’s should have been and then he blinked and backed away quickly.

 

“It’s alright,” he said gruffly. “If you’re alright. You’re not going to sue the store, are you?”

 

“ _Cosa_? No, of course not. Um I’m sorry. I’m all wet from the milk... Do you need me to help you clean it?”

 

He shook his head and motioned that I come away from the mess.

 

“Let me get you paper towels to clean up with,” he said.

 

A minute later another man came in wearing a similar uniform. He looked a bit like the blond man in his facial structure but otherwise much different with his white hair, pasty skin, and red eyes.

 

“Hey West! Did your OCD get out of hand again? Did you actually have to create a mess so you could obsessively clean it up again? Seriously, _bruder_ you have problems...”

 

“Shut up!” he growled. “I’m helping a customer.”

 

The albino raised a brow, and glanced at me. My cheeks reddened when I remembered I still had milk all over me. My trousers were soaked and I would have to go home like this.

 

“You alright there, kid?”

 

I blinked and nodded slowly, “ _Si_. I’m fine. I just tripped. I’m sorry!”

 

The pale man shrugged and glanced at the blond, “You gonna help clean him up and walk him out, West?”

 

‘West’ rolled his eyes but then glanced down at me questioningly. I shrugged.

 

He walked me to the back where the employees bathrooms were staying close to me. I was a little nervous because this was a man I’d never met before but he seemed like he wanted to help and he had kind eyes, I could tell when he looked at me. Afterward, he walked me out and handed me a bag of milk in a cloth bag.

 

“Oh no it was my fault,” I protested trying to push the bag back into his hands.

 

“ _Nein_. Those bags don’t hold up very well. I put it in this cloth bag so it won’t break if it falls. It’s yours, uh on the house.”

 

“Um. Okay. _Grazie_.”

 

His cheeks coloured as I accepted the bag and our fingers brushed. I stood on my tip toes and kissed each cheek quickly before quickly turning and rushing out of the store.

 

When I got home, I was out of breath and my cheeks were on fire. My stomach was twisted in knots and flopping around like a fish out of water. I shook my head and cursed at myself, just because the German man at the store was attractive didn’t mean I had to lose my head over it.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t until three incidents later that I learned his name was Ludwig and that he was available and interested in me. My lips broke into a smile when I thought about his face that day. I accidently stood on his toe in line at the bank when some angry customer walked out cursing at some of us in the line.

 

I cried out as I stumbled backwards and practically fell on him. He caught me quickly and I blinked when I looked up those familiar blue eyes.

 

“Hi,” I said.

 

“Hi,” he replied carefully holding on to my back and pushing me back to my feet.

 

“It’s you again,” I smiled.

 

He nodded and his cheeks flushed. He let go of me and stood there awkwardly.

 

“So—“

 

“Look I—“

 

We both said at once. I laughed and shook my head, “You go first.”

 

“I uh...” He stumbled over his words and turned a lovely shade of red.

 

So I said instead, “What’s your name?”

 

“Ludwig.”

 

“I’m Feliciano. Or Feli as everyone calls me,” I said.

 

“Hi Feliciano,” he said carefully. “Look I, well, I keep running into you and umm do you think you would wanttogoforadrink...withme?”

 

Some of the words came out jumbled but my lips spread wide and I nodded, “ _Si_! I would love to!”

 

“Ah um _gute_. Good. Do you know O’Reilly’s? We could meet there on Friday at 8. What do you think?”

 

I nodded excitedly, “ _Si_! Yes, that’s perfect. Okay. Friday.”

 

“Next!”

 

I looked up to see the teller waiting impatiently drumming her long painted fingernails on the desk.

 

“Sorry! Um..” I turned and smiled one last time at Ludwig. He twitched his lips a little and I could see the little fond smile and the softness of his eyes. “ _Ciao_.”

* * *

 

 

The date was a success. At least, I thought so. He seemed really shy and not too big on the PDA but I still managed to hold his hand under the table at the restaurant. He had big, warm hands and mine fit in his perfectly. The fluttering in my stomach never stopped but luckily neither did he stop blushing throughout our date.

 

Lovino was suspicious when I told him about Ludwig, even now they’re not really good friends. I think Lovi’s just afraid I’ll get hurt again. I’m clumsy and that happens a lot and well, everything with Nonno. My mind shied away from that time; I never wore a dress after that, not even when I spent time with Eliza or got my own place. I told my Hungarian friend that I didn’t like dresses anymore. She told me she understood but that I could still keep the dress she made me if I wanted. I pressed my lips together and nodded slightly.

 

That night, I taped up the box containing my outfit (I had ordered the shoes online and they came in but I just put them in the box as soon as they arrived) and put it up in my top closet shelf. I brushed away a few tears. At least I could imagine myself wearing the outfit. Sometimes I’d imagine my own face over top of the models’ faces that I designed dresses for in my private sketchbook. The dresses were sometimes short and fitted with bright blue and pink flowers, and other times they were long flowy gowns made from a glittery material or a glossy satin.

 

* * *

 

One date turned into two and then three and four... Soon Ludwig and I were going steady and I was incredibly happy with him. When we first had sex, he came to my place. Before we left the movie theatre, he called his brother, Gilbert (the guy at the grocery store who called him ‘West’—it was a long story, Ludwig said) and asked him to walk the dogs for him. He hung up before Gilbert could ask him any weird questions, he did that a lot, Ludwig confided. Seconds later his phone received a text from Gilbert that read: “Bow chicka wow wow!” Ludwig’s face adopted this hilarious appalled expression and his cheeks flamed red. I laughed and took his hand when we got back to my apartment and led him to my bedroom.

 

“ _Gott_ , you’re so sexy,” my boyfriend uttered, his mouth close to my ear.

 

I groaned as he kissed the side of my neck and up to my ear. I tightened my grip on his shoulders as he picked me up and pushed my back up against the wall holding me up with one arm and caressing my cheek with his other hand. So much for shy Ludwig. He wasn’t so shy after a couple glasses of my favourite red wine and some flirtation on my part. I was glad for it.

 

I wrapped one arm around his shoulder to keep myself up and ran my fingers through his hair, it was softer than it looked. I turned my head to catch his lips in mine, teasing his tongue and coaxing it out. It was sensual and burning up my groin. He pulled away and drew his fingers across my button up shirt, brushing against my belly and moving up toward my nipples. They were so sensitive! I let out a squeal as he teased each one and clamped my legs tightly around his waist trying to get friction where I wanted it most.

 

“Ludwig, oh Ludwig! _Per favore_!” I gasped as he tore away my shirt and put his mouth on each nipple sucking them eagerly. I was so hard and the occasional brush against his belly was not enough. He was hard too and I just wanted to jump on top of him and suck him off. I reached down and touched his hardness, grazing my fingers over it slowly. He groaned and stopped sucking on my nipples and got the picture.

 

He carried me over to the bed and dropped me on it uncerimoniously. I didn’t really care too much though, I wanted to get this show on the road! He climbed between my legs and pulled off my trousers and shirt licking his lips. I grinned and undid his button-up and slid my fingers across his chest and muscular shoulders, ughhh he was so sexy.

 

“Luddy! Oh you’re so gorgeous, so sexy. Pants off please? I want to taste you,” I begged.

 

“ _Ja_ ,” he breathed, “Okay.”

 

I sighed as he removed his trousers and stopped him just before he took off his boxers. I shook my head at him and put my finger to his lips hushing him. I pushed him down on his back and he fell back with a gasp. I winked at him and kissed his lips, his neck, his chest, each nipple, and trailed kisses all the way down his body til I reached the edge of his boxers just below his belly button. By now he was groaning and begging me to keep going, he was so hot like this.

 

When he put his hands in my hair and tugged gently, I moaned and touched his fingers with mine. He had such wonderful big hands. I knew I would never say no to his gentle touches. I massaged his wrists with my slender fingers to get him to loosen his hold a little so I could tease below the waistband of his boxers with my tongue, tasting him. I continued my journey down to where his hardness laid throbbing.

 

“Oh you’re perfect, Luddy,” I said. And he really really was.

 

I took the head into my mouth giving it little teasing kitten licks until he got progressively louder and then took him as deep in my mouth as I could sucking gently and then harder. I massaged his thighs and shifted my hands to his buttocks, squeezing him as he tugged at my hair.

 

“Feli! Feli! I’m going to—“ he took his hands off of me to let me get away if I wanted to. I didn’t.

 

I pulled off for a second, looked up at him and said, “It’s okay, I want you to.”

 

He nodded and his eyes fluttered shut as my mouth took him in again laving him with my lips and tongue. He dug his fingers into my scalp and seconds later, he cried out and released. I swallowed him down and licked my lips. I licked him a few more times until he dug his fingers into my hair and pulled gently.

 

“Feli! Feli...oh god. Feli...” he breathed out and pulled me up to him so he could kiss me again.

 

I smiled as he looked at me in awe. He licked his lips and smiled slightly.

 

“May I?” he asked.

 

I grinned widely, “ _Si_ , of course.”

 

He lifted me up and rolled us over so he was on top. He kissed my mouth and moved his strong hands over my body thumbing my nipples slowly. It was driving me crazy. Seeing him come drove me crazy but his hands touching me like that, _mio dio_! The sensations of heat and pleasure running through me were making me louder and louder. I couldn’t stop. I wasn’t exactly a quiet person anyway but it was like he had unleashed something in me that was driving me wild.

 

He breathed out a laugh as he mouthed my nipples and palmed my cock at the same time. Oh god, did he know what he was doing to me? He must have. I was loud enough!

 

He moved down lower and lower until his mouth was on my inner thighs licking at them, not quite touching where I wanted him to but it was so hot, I didn’t even care. He wound his large hands around my outer thighs and buttocks holding me down and taking my hardness into his warm, wet, velvety mouth. I cried out when he finally had all of me in his mouth, I thought I was going to come right then and there, but then he squeezed my balls stopping me from coming in that moment. I looked down at him frustrated, what was he trying to do to me? He backed off and took an index finger and put it to the corner of my mouth. He looked at me with a question in his eyes, I knew that if I said no, he would respect that. I opened my lips and sucked at it, getting his finger nice and wet. I fluttered my lashes and he looked like he was going to come again. He pulled his finger away and brought it back to my thigh. He took my cock in his mouth again and shifted his finger up toward my entrance.

 

“Oh! _Dio_! Ludwig! Please, I need you to!” I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted him to do but he had to do something or I was going to lose my mind!

 

He sucked me hard and circled my entrance with his wet finger, thenhe slowly pushed the tip of his finger in my hole, not too deep at first but pushed it in a little more each time. He stopped sucking me and kept moving his finger in me brushing against my insides, looking for something.

 

“Fuck!” I cried in pleasure as he touched that spot in me that made me see stars.

 

He smiled up at me and sucked me again while moving his finger back and forth over that spot just so perfect.

 

“Oh  _dio_! Ludwig! Ahh! I’m—“ I was cut off as I moaned loudly and white light washed over me all the way down through me. I realised I’d come in his mouth. I gasped as he kept moving his finger inside me for a few more seconds allowing me to ride out my orgasm.

 

He took his mouth off me and kissed my softening length one last time. Ludwig sluggishly moved off of me and brought himself up beside me. He brushed my sweaty hair away from my forehead and cheeks. I blinked slowly at him and shook my head.

 

“I--You...that was.” I think he sucked my brains out, literally. I couldn’t speak coherently.

 

He looked down at me and smiled caressing my hair and face and kissing me softly.

 

“Luddy, are you good?” I asked hesitantly.

 

He smiled shook his head, “You really have to ask?”

 

I smiled and huffed out a laugh, “ _Si_ , I’m just making sure.”

 

“ _Ja_ , I am perfect.”

 

I laughed, “You are!”

 

He blushed, “Not what I meant but uhh thanks.”

 

He leaned forward and kissed my eye lids, my nose, and then my lips. Between each kiss he murmured, “I love these eyes, they’re perfect.” Kiss. “I love this nose, it’s perfect.” Kiss. “I love these lips, they’re perfect.” Kiss.

 

I couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled up. He was too sweet and too kind to me.

 

“Luddy?”

 

“ _Ja_?”

 

“Want to come over again tomorrow?”

 

He let out a laugh, “Hmm... okay.”

 

~end part 1

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you readers! I appreciate the kudos, follows, and comments! Ah just a note, Feli sometimes does the whole getup, not just the dress. There are more sexy times to be had in this chapter too. (wink) Srsly, smut lieth ahead so if that's not your thing I've marked where it begins and where it ends with "--". Also, this is not the end. I'll probably write a couple more chapters to tie up loose ends and maybe leave enough for a sequel or at least something else to expand this universe. I've grown somewhat fond of it.

Boys Don't Wear Dresses

 

He didn’t come over the next day but he called and we talked for over an hour. He came over the following day. It wasn’t always a good idea to ask Ludwig things when he was high on sex, his brain didn’t work the same as it usually did and he was nothing if not perfectly organised. He’d often come over and clean up my room, my kitchen, the living room, even the bathroom. It was annoying at times but he said the habit wasn’t really anything to do with me.

 

 

His brother had been right when he said he had pretty bad OCD, well it was OCPD which was a little different. Sometimes I felt like I enabled his disorder with my messy habits, though at times I convinced him getting messy wasn’t always the worst thing. Once we even incorporated food during sex. He wasn’t a fan at all at the beginning but he said it might grow on him as I dotted his chest with whipped cream and licked it off him. Afterward however, he went on a cleaning frenzy and said that if we were going to do that again, it would have to be in the bathroom so it would be easier to clean up. It frustrated me because it made me wonder if we were even a good match. When I broke down crying one evening after an argument, he took me in his arms thumbed my tears away. He asked me what this was about.

 

“What if I’m too opposite for you to be with? I know I can be a bit of a slob. But I’m trying. I don’t want to make you anxious. I just want you to come over and have a good time with me, eat dinner, sing while we cook pasta and sausages, let me sit on your lap and kiss you while you try to read or watch a movie...” I released a breathy sob.

 

“ _Schatz_ , no. You’re not, you’re you and I love that. I don’t want you to be anything than who you are. I care about Feli, the gorgeous yet adorable, slightly imperfect, discordant Italian I fell for when I found him in the grocery store lying in a puddle of milk,” he said sincerely, looking me straight in the eye.

 

I laughed through my tears, “That was so messy.”

 

“ _Ja_ , now that was a mess. And if I could walk away from that to clean you up and take you to the door before dealing with the mess on the floor, I can handle anything when it comes to you.”

 

I nodded, “ _Si_. Okay. Just tell me how I can help, if I can. I want to help.”

 

“I know, _Liebling_. I know. Just be you, that’s all I want.”

 

I kissed him soundly after that, I wasn’t sure what I’d done to deserve him. Maybe surviving the drama with my family had been worth it after all. Maybe I could be myself and it wouldn’t make him leave like it did everyone else (Nonno, Mama, Papa...). I didn’t want to take the risk though. I was scared.

 

-

 

One rainy afternoon found me sketching a new dress. It was relaxing to feel the toothy surface of the paper as I marked it up with my graphite pencil. In my mind, I saw the fall of the dress layers, the scrunch and sheen of the fabric, and colours that shifted from one hue to the next. I imagined myself wearing the very dress I was designing. I imagined myself putting a barrette in my hair and telling Eliza what kind of stitch I wanted to see on the sleeves and agonizing over my errors.

 

I imagined walking onto the dance floor in that dress and smiling when Ludwig took my hand. I gazed out the window and snapped out of it when a rumble of thunder echoed in the distance.

 

I was building a portfolio that I planned to send to one of my favourite fashion design companies. Convocation was coming up and I was ready to go into the world as the next big name in fashion design. That was at least something to look forward to. Lovi had connections in several different industries, including fashion, although I had to wonder what methods of persuasion he’d employed to get me an interview. Ludwig knew I was in clothing design but he didn’t know how much I loved making the dresses or that in reality, I really just wanted to wear them.

 

A moment later my phone went off, startling me. I dropped my pencil and checked the call display. Eliza. I smiled and took the call.

 

“ _Pronto_!”

 

“Feli! Hey, congrats!” Eliza’s excited voice came through.

 

“ _Grazie_! I can’t believe it’s already graduation.”

 

“I know!! I’m so proud of you, sweetie. Those designs you sent me were spectacular. God. I love them!”

 

“ _Si_ , _grazie_! I think you’ll really like the overall look. I bought the fabric yesterday. It feels so nice to touch!” I told her.

 

“Mhm,” I could hear the smile in her voice. “Almost enough to try it on yourself?”

 

“ _Cosa_? No... Not me,” I swallowed.

 

“Feli? You know, it’s okay. More people are okay with that. Gender isn’t the same as sex...”

 

“Eliza, stop. It’s not okay. You really don’t understand what I had to deal with back...then. I’m done with that part of my life, _si_?”

 

“Fine, okay. I understand. But look, please hear me out, there’s no honour in denying who you are. You’d be surprised at how many people would be okay with you being yourself,” she insisted.

 

“Eliza! Stop!” I rubbed my eyes getting graphite all over probably.

 

“Okay, I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

 

“I know you’re trying to help, but it’s not helping... It’s over and done with and I won’t let my being...weird... ruin anything else for me,” I said.

 

“Oh Feli...” she sighed and paused. “Well, send me pictures of the completed dresses. And call me when you want some help with those stitches you seem to struggle with. I know you’re getting better though but you know how much I like making that stuff with you.”

 

“ _Si_ , I will.”

 

“Drinks tomorrow?”

 

“ _Si,_ I’m inviting Luddy. Do you mind?” I asked.

 

“Of course not! I’m bringing Roderich,” she sang delightedly.

 

I smiled, “ _Si_ , well see you then! _Ciao_!”

 

“Bye bye hunny!”

 

Eliza was amazing. She was a good friend and very talented. It was funny though because she wasn’t always a fan of dresses, she hated being put into the traditional femininity box and often went out of her way to challenge the stereotype. Every so often she liked to dress super feminine, but for the most part, she was a total tomboy. Mind you, she scared me at times because she could be semi-violent when it came to defending her honour and putting misogynists in their place and then she could suddenly switch and become this gushy fangirl who loved seeing boys in dresses. She was amazing though. She stuck by me when Nonno threw me out. She made me pasta, pizza, and tiramisu the weekend after I was thrown out and we had a dress party just for the two of us. I had to hold her back from marching over to Nonno’s and giving him a piece of her mind and a smack over the head with her frying pan (it was weapon of the family, or so she said). She was nearly as fiercely protective and loyal as Lovi was.

 

I would always have her back too though like the time that her aunt came over and made some rude comments about how unlady-like she was and that if she wasn’t careful she’d end up as a spinster. I took her out to the mall and I paid for us both to get a spa treatment. It was a lot of fun and although I never imagined myself going for a spa treatment, it was nice to spend that time with Eliza. We were best friends for life. Six months after all of that happened, she met Roderich and they’d been inseperable ever since. She didn’t change herself for her silly, small-minded relative though, she didn’t need to. Roderich liked her just how she was so I liked Roderich.

 

I wandered over to the kitchen to make myself an espresso. Ludwig was coming over after his shift at the store for dinner. I promised to cook tonight since he made dinner for us last night. We took turns going to each other’s homes. He liked coming to my place more because it was quieter and he didn’t have to listen to Gilbert prattle on and interrupt us. I shook my head fondly. Gilbert was quite the character.

 

I looked around to see if I needed to clean anything up before my boyfriend arrived and my eyes landed on my closet. It it was the dress I’d gotten so long ago from Eliza. I sometimes fantastised Ludwig coming over and seeing me in that dress. I imagined a positive reaction but I knew I never wanted to test that. He did say he cared for me no matter what but I had my doubts. Boys wearing dresses were for drag queens in the gay village on stage hidden behind a mask. Not for boys like me. I envied those drag queens and laughed at the thought of myself going out like that. Silly, I thought.

 

I shifted my gaze over to the door and glanced at the clock on the stove. I still had a half an hour before Ludwig got here. Maybe I could just look at my dress. The conversation with Eliza had me half-reconsidering. I shook my head firmly, no definitely not a good idea.

 

My feet found their way over to the closet anyway. I stood up on the little stool and reached into the top of my closet my fingers brushing against the box still sitting there hidden under some folded blankets. I pressed my lips together and pulled the box down and placed it on my large canopied bed. The silence in my apartment was only interrupted by the occasional noise from the street, hocking horns or a fire truck passing by. I swallowed and pulled at the tape on the edge of the box and tore it. Anxiety bubbled up in my throat and my palms were sweaty. There was fear but also excitment.

 

I lifted the top of the box off and unveiled the pale green maid dress complete with a white kerchief, leotards, and the shiny black Mary Janes. I licked my lips and looked up toward my bedroom door. I walked over swiftly and closed it. No one was in my apartment except for me, but I was still paranoid.

 

I went back to the bed and brushed my fingers over the soft fabric. I picked it up and smelt it, it smelt like the perfume Eliza had spritzed on me that day she gave it to me. It was like pears and vanilla. I smiled in delight and pulled the dress against me. I stood in front of the mirror played with the skirt. I felt wreckless. Maybe I could just put it on for a minute. Just to feel it again. Just to pretend that all the stuff that happened before was just a terrible nightmare and it didn’t really happen. That Nonna and I still spoke and went to the vineyards in Italy every year and picked olives off the olive trees and grapes off the grape vines. Maybe that could all just come back and be real instead of everything that happened that day.

 

I swallowed and undid the dress zipper. I pulled off my t-shirt and skinny jeans and carefully pulled the dress over my head. I struggled to zip it up and put the apron on. Then I put on the leotards, the sheer fabric moving against me making me smile. I still loved that feeling. I adjusted the dress to make sure it wasn’t snagged anywhere and slipped the Mary Janes on. _Dio_ , it was cute! I loved this dress!

 

I went over to my iPod and turned on my favourite classical music, not too loud but enough that I could escape from this reality to the world I fantasised about. I gazed at myself in the mirror and put my hands on my hips. I curtseyed and ran my hands over the skirt with a smile.

 

“Oh _signore_ , you want to dance? _Si_ , I’ll dance with you!”

 

I closed my eyes and imagined the dance floor, the mask over my face, and a strong, warm hand taking mine. I imagined looking up and seeing a pair of piercing blue eyes and slicked back blond hair. Strange, this fantasy never had anyone I knew in it, but the idea of dancing with Ludwig at a party in my best dress was an appealing thought. He would place one hand on my lower back and take my hand in his leading me on the dance floor. I might surprise him and lead him every once in a while too. I laughed at the thought as I twirled around in my room falling in step with the music and humming to myself.

 

Ludwig would tell me how beautiful I looked and how much he loved me. I’d gasp and shake my head, “But we only just met!”

 

He would say, “I don’t care! I’m crazy for you, _schatz_.”

 

I’d laugh and tell him he was sweet before kissing his cheek and telling him he had to prove it to me. I would come back every week and we’d dance the night away. I would give myself a chance to fall in love with him and if he agreed to my conditions, he’d get to know me and decide if he really did like me as much as he thought he did.

 

I hummed and danced for a little while longer completely lost in the music and the fantasy. I lost track of the time.

 

Suddenly the illusion shattered and I heard a voice, “Feli? Why are you wearing a dress?”

 

I turned around quickly and blinked. _Merda!_ This was real life. And my boyfriend, Ludwig, was standing in my room at the door. My eyes widened and I panicked. I turned and ran to my closet and slammed the door behind me.

 

“Feli!” Ludwig called as I heard him run to the closet. I locked the door and stood there panicking, shaking and new tears were bubbling up in my eyes. _Dio_ , what now? Oh god, he knew! He knew! And fuck! My breathing increased and my vision blurred, I was hyperventilating.

 

“Go away!” I cried. “Leave me alone!”

 

“Feli! What? What’s going on? Can’t we—can’t we talk about it?”

 

“Leave me be!”

 

I heard him move, still standing at the door, he dropped his weight so he was sitting in front of the door.

 

“Please come out Feli? That’s a dark closet. I know you hate being in the dark,” he said softly.

 

I bit my lip, my whole body shaking and my breathing still coming out shallowly. I shuddered and let out a sob. “I—I can’t.”

 

There was a pause. “Why can’t you?”

 

“Because.”

 

“Because why?”

 

“Just because! Then it’s real. Then—then... I can’t!”

 

“Feli, do you want me to call your brother instead?” he asked gently.

 

“No! I just... I can’t.”

 

“Please come out Feli. I-I don’t care if you like to—dress up,” he said quietly.

 

I swallowed, my breathing was still rapid but it was slowing down little by little. I blinked and sat down on the floor. If I did come out, I’d have to tell him. He knew now anyway. He saw. He knew and he was still here. But if I came out we might break up and I just didn’t want to lose him! I didn’t want to lose him because I was a freak.

 

“Feli? Please?”

 

I pressed my lips together and nodded. I would go out and I would face him. And if Ludwig hated me...then. Well, I couldn’t really blame him. I never told him about this. I told him a lot of things but anything about my family that wasn’t about Lovino I never told him. He never pried. We’d been going out for over six months and he still didn’t know my biggest secret. That I was a crossdressing freak. A few more tears slipped out. I reached up and unlocked the door. I heard him shift on the other side and turn the handle. A sliver of light came in and I squinted. Ludwig was there, his severe yet somehow still fond blue eyes caught mine. He was on his knees and opened the door a little wider and sat in front of me.

 

I looked down, intently avoiding his gaze tears still coursing down my cheeks. He handed me a tissue and pressed it into my hands. I dabbed my eyes and blew my nose.

 

“Feli? Can you come out and sit with me?” he asked.

 

I nodded slowly. He reached for my hand and pulled me out of the the closet. We went over to the turquoise vintage couch in my room and sat next to each other. He clasped his hands together and leaned forward looking down. He glanced at me and my cheeks reddened. My shoulders and hands were still shaking with nerves and adreneline.

 

“Can you take a few deep breaths with me, _schatz_?” he asked as he hesitantly put a hand on my shoulder.

 

I nodded and few more tears slipped down my cheek. I breathed with him as he counted how long to breathe in and how long to breathe out. I dabbed my eyes again and slowly my panic ebbed away. My eyes were heavy after a few minutes but my head was clearer and I didn’t feel like I was suffocating.

 

A moment later, he took one big hand and slowly wrapped mine in it. He rubbed my knuckle soothingly and cleared his throat, “Do you feel like you can talk? Or do you want to talk later?”

 

Truthfully I didn’t want to talk about this at all but I swallowed and steeled myself to say yes. I knew that if I didn’t say it now, I wouldn’t be able to.

 

I looked down at the floor and spilled my story.

 

“I always liked dresses. I—my nonno—grandpa Roma, he’s a proud man. But he... he’s a homophobe. He has very stringent and traditional ideas of how boys are supposed to dress and who they’re supposed to be with. Lovi, he came out a long time ago and Nonno threw him out. I was scared. Lovi had always been there for me and then he wasn’t—couldn’t be. And I had no one. Lovi called sometimes but it wasn’t the same. I had Eliza I guess. And we...she made dresses and she made me this and...when I finally got to put it on on my eighteenth birthday, Nonno saw. It was an accident!” I said as steadily as I could. I touched my wrists where the bruises had been. I could still see them there in my mind.

 

Ludwig took one of my hands back and squeeze it gently.

 

“He—he was so mad! He yelled and said he didn’t want any faggots in his home. I tried to—I tried to explain...but then, he didn’t listen. He didn’t hit me but he grabbed me and yelled and said I had to get out and never come back. He—didn’t want a freak for a grandson,” I said and touched my wrists again.

 

Ludwig’s eyes narrowed and took my hands. He kissed my wrists gently and rubbed them soothingly. I shuddered out a breath. “What happened then? Did anyone else find out?”

 

“I called Lovi and he let me stay with him and Toni, so they knew, but after that, I never told anyone else. I just—I didn’t want you or anyone else to ever know be-because if you knew I was a freak...you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

 

“Feli. Feliciano, please look at me,” the blond asked sternly.

 

I lifted my chin and met his gaze. He took one hand and caressed my jawline moving his fingers through my hair and tucking it behind my ear. I swallowed half fearful of what he would say.

 

“First of all, nothing could make me not want you anymore. What your grandpa said was wrong. He was dead wrong and I wish I’d known sooner so I could pay him a visit and tell him exactly how I feel about this situation. And second of all, you’re not a freak. Please never let me hear you say that about yourself again.”

 

“Okay but don’t, I didn’t want Lovi to do anything, I definitely don’t want you to either. Not on my account.”

 

“Feli, most things I do for you are on your account. Because..." he swallowed seemingly a little nervous for the first time. "Because I—I love you. _Ich liebe dich_.”

 

I blinked. I wondered if I had just imagined it. Ludwig loved me? We liked each other sure, well more than that, we were crazy about each other but he’d never said that before.

 

“ _Cosa_?”

 

“I love you, Feliciano Vargas,” he said again.

 

I felt my eyes tear up again as I looked into his eyes to make sure everything he said was true. He’d never lied to me. Sometimes he told me the brutal truth about things which he wasn’t always that tactful about but he never lied.

 

Tears ran down my cheeks and he thumbed the them away with a small smile.

 

“I-I love you too, Ludwig. _Ti amo_ ,” I admittedly quietly and leaned into his chest. His arms came around me and pulled me close. He smelt like aftershave and Ludwig.

 

“ _Gute_. Now, no more hiding in closets,” he said with a chuckle.

 

I laughed damply and nodded. “ _Si_ , I promise.”

 

He ran his fingers over the fabric of the dress, touching the sleeves and rubbing my arms.

 

“So will you show me?”

 

“Huh?”

 

He touched my leg and the fabric of the skirt. “Uh I don’t know...you were twirling when I came in, listening to music...”

 

My cheeks flushed, _dio_ that was mortifying. I laughed despite myself, well, it was just Ludwig after all. I stood up and turned to look at him.

 

I extended my hand and curtseyed, “Dance with me, _signore_? _Per favore_.”

 

“ _Ja_. Of course,” he nodded and took my hand. He wrapped one arm around my waist and took my hand in the other hand. We swayed to a classical song for a while. It seemed like hours had passed. I leaned my head against his shoulder and he held me close.

 

“Sometimes I pretend I’m at some Renaissance dance wearing a mask. No one could see who I was and I could dress any way I wanted,” I admitted.

 

Ludwig stopped our slow dance and moved me away from him slowly so he could look at me. “You can, Feli.”

 

I shook my head, “Not in the real world.”

 

The blond swallowed and said, “Well with me you can. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me and I won’t let anyone get away with saying disgusting things to you.”

 

“Would you...would you want to go to a real dance with me? If I dressed this way?” I gazed up at him hesitantly.

 

He nodded, “Of course I would. You’re beautiful no matter what you’re wearing. You’re kind and you make me laugh and you’re talented. I love so many things about you, Feli.”

 

He leaned down and caught my lips in his. I wondered what it would feel like to have his hands tracing over the fabric of my dress and along my leotard-clad legs. The thought made me hot and I deepened the kiss.

 

“What if I wore makeup too?” I asked, breaking away from the kiss.

 

“ _Ja_ , anything,” he responded before he kissed me again.

 

I pulled away, “You promise, Luddy? You’re sure?”

 

“ _Ja_ , nothing could make me change my mind. I don’t care. I want whatever makes you feel most comfortable,” he said breathily. “And I think you’re beautiful no matter what.”

 

I moaned as he pressed his mouth to my neck sucking a mark into the skin. Ugh it was sensitive there.

 

“Hmm I think you are too, Luddy,” I gasped out.

 

Suddenly he pushed me back on the couch and moved over me. I brought my legs up around his waist and pulled him close to me and ran my fingers through his hair kissing him hard on his mouth. He took the cue and moved his hands down to my thighs and buttocks squeeze the flesh there through the silky leotard.

 

“ _Gott_ , that feels good,” he groaned and rubbed his hands along my legs.

 

\-- 

 

I smiled at him and drew him back down into a kiss. I took his hand and led it to the waist band of my leotard and helped him pull it down. He stopped when he realised I was also wearing panties. Yeah. That was the less obvious detail, at least until now. He caught my mischevous gaze and licked his lips, his heated expression intensified. He pulled the panties down and my hardness sprung up between us. He rubbed head firmly using precome to make it a little more slick.

 

I moaned loudly, “Ohhhh Ludwig! Please!”

 

He smiled and moved down to lick at my cock and take it in his mouth. I was so surprised by the move I couldn’t stop my hips from bucking up into his throat. He pushed my hips down and held them there firmly. He licked and sucked and laved and swallowed and hummed.

 

I was going crazy with want and need. I wanted something else but I couldn’t think.

 

“Luddy! Luddy! I want—I want! Ohhh!” I gurgled out as he squeezed the flesh of my thighs in his hands. Those big hands.

 

A few seconds later he pulled off carefully and moved away, “What? Luddy? Please?”

 

“Just wait a second,” he said placatingly and rubbed my hip before running to my bedroom. He came back less than ten seconds later with the lube. Thank god.

 

I looked down at him and saw his hardness pressing up against his trousers. I sat up on my elbows and reached for them quickly undoing the button and zipper. He stood for a second and removed them quickly along with his boxers.

 

“Do you want to do it here or—“ I cut him off and pulled him down on top of me.

 

“Stop talking, Luddy. Just be with me right here right now,” I said.

 

He reached his hands around me and undid the dress zipper and pulled the bodice forward. I stretched my arms up and let him pull it off me carefully. He folded it neatly and put it on the coffee table. He smiled as he took each of my feet and pulled each of my shoes off followed by the leotards. He left the panties though. I grinned at him slyly.

 

He moved his hands under the waist band and only pulled them down to my mid thighs.

 

“If these get ruined, I’ll buy you more. I want to buy you more,” he said lowly as his hands moved across my ass and circled my shuddering hole.

 

I moaned and nodded, “ _Si_ , _si_!”

 

He moved me onto my side and brought my knees up to my chest and lubed up a finger.

 

“Is this okay, Feli?”

 

“ _Mio dio! Si! Per favore_!”

 

He moved his finger around my entrance and slowly inched inside. He moved in and out slowly going a little deeper each time. I gasped when he reached that spot and brushed a finger against it. Then two. Then a third.

 

It seemed like forever before he finally took them out and I objected, “Luddy!”

 

“Just a second, _Liebling_.”

 

He put slick all over his hardness and placed it at my opening, rubbing it teasingly. He moaned and pushed it in me slowly, inch by inch. I gasped. It wasn’t the first time we had had sex this way, but it had been at least a week and that was without all the build up of this time.

 

When he was finally seated in my ass, he stilled and breathed deeply waiting for me to give the go-ahead.

 

“Luddy! Luddy, move!”

 

He gasped out a yes and started that endless rhythm brushing my prostate every other thrust. He moved one hand around me and circled my hardness stroking it in time massaging the tip as he went. He kissed my necked and moved slowly inside me.

 

I hissed out, “Mmhm faster!”

 

That was all he needed and he sped up still stroking me, speeding that up too.

 

“Don’t stop, keep going, _per favore_! Ah!”

 

He didn’t need to say anything, he kept that undulating rhythm and it wasn’t long until I was unravelling. Falling apart as starbursts shot across my vision coursing throughout me again and again and again. He stroked me a few more times still moving in me, getting closer and closer to his release. My insides clamped down as he shouted out his release. Warmth was shot across my ass cheeks and my breath stuttered. He took his hand off of me and pulled my mouth to his kissing me.

 

 --

 

My eyes fluttered and I pulled his arms close around me. He rested a moment behind me before he stood sluggishly to find some tissues. I smiled lazily when he came back a second later and cleaned us both up. He tossed the tissues into the trashcan by the couch and looked at me. I winked at him and pulled the mostly forgotten panties off my legs and dropped them on the floor. He shook his head, a blush rising to his cheeks. After all that, and he could still feel embarrassed over such things. 

 

“Want to rest in your bed, Feli? I locked the door earlier.”

 

I nodded. I knew he’d curl up around me. He picked me up and carried me into my bedroom, closed the curtains, and laid down behind me putting one hand on my hip and covering us with a blanket.

 

“Dinner?” I murmured out when he finally settled.

 

“After. Sleep now, _schatz_ ,” he replied sleepily.

 

“Hmm _si_ , late _siesta_ ,” I agreed. I closed my eyes and kissed one of his hands that was curled around me.

 

~ end part 2

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god Ludwig and Feliciano, they’re like the ultimate cutesy couple but srsly, I can’t write them any other way. That’s how I see them lol. Thank you to ALL readers, those who left reviews and kudos, you guys are amazing!!  I hope to read more of your feedback.
> 
> Angelique Laroche = Seychelles
> 
> Also, to my reader: Annie_R_Key on AO3, thank you for bringing clarity to me regarding Ludwig’s disorder, not OCD but OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder) which according to my research: may include rigid adherence to rules and regulations, an overwhelming need for order, unwillingness to yield or give responsibilities to others, and a sense of righteousness about the way things “should be done”; a diagnosis of this disorder is made when some of the symptoms start to negatively affect a person’s interpersonal relationships be it social, work and/or family. Not all symptoms of this diagnosis will necessarily show themselves, a person doesn’t need to have all of them to have this disorder. So it’s a little different than OCD and definitely fits Ludwig’s tendencies much more accurately. 
> 
> Lastly, Feli’s dress! http://www.peruvianconnection.com/product/113949.do?utm_source=SSIDE&utm_medium=NaturalSS&utm_campaign=SSIDE
> 
> Enjoy over 6,000 more words!

Part 3

 

I awoke to the scent of something delicious cooking. I wasn’t quite sure what it was, but it smelt amazing. I blinked and sat up carefully, groaning at the stiffness and soreness of my lower regions. Ludwig was always gentle but it had been a while since we’d done it like that so I kind of expected it. Even so, I hissed as I stood and pulled on a large long-sleeved button-up shirt that was sitting folded up on the clothing chest at the end of my bed. The shirt was big enough that it hung low brushing my mid-thighs. It was probably one of Ludwig’s—he had a few of his outfits here. I put on a pair of boxers anyway just in case someone else was visiting.

 

I turned to look out the window. Dark. The street lights shimmered over the wet pavement below. At least the rain had stopped. I shuffled out of my bedroom and into the hallway. The smell that was making me salivate--was that chicken?—got a little more potent. My stomach chose that moment to growl. I smiled and walked into the kitchen to see Ludwig wearing my Italian flag apron that read “ _baci il cuoco_ ” (kiss the cook). He was bent over the stove flipping the poultry at the moment so I took that chance to creep up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist.

 

“Feli!” his blue eyes widened in surprise and he smiled lightly. “Did you sleep well?”

 

I stood on my tip toes and kissed him before settling against his back and resting my face against his muscular shoulder. “ _Si_ , I always do with you. Did you sleep well?”

 

He nodded. “Are you hungry?”

 

“Oh yes, my stomach was growling at me so loudly!” I told him pointing at my stomach.

 

He huffed out a chuckle, “Well _gute_. I was going to make a salad with this; I noticed you had some new lettuce in the fridge.”

 

“ _Si_ , I bought it this morning. _Dios_ , what time is it anyway?”

 

“Half past eight.”

 

“No wonder. Well, I’ll make the salad. Is balsamic and vinegar okay?” I asked.

 

“ _Ja_ , sounds good. Will one piece of chicken be enough for you?”

 

I nodded and turned to the fridge to take out the other vegetables I planned to add. Dinner didn’t take much time to finish after that. We sat next to each other and ate quietly. It did feel a little awkward since now he knew about my secret and I wasn’t sure if it would be okay to talk about it. When he comforted me earlier about it, I felt okay, but it seemed like there was a lot more to be said.

 

“Feli? You got quiet, is everything okay?”

 

I nodded. “Um… about earlier. Are you sure it’s okay? Is it going to be weird?”

 

Ludwig looked up and reached his hand across the table; he looked at me very seriously, “Listen to me closely Feliciano. Nothing will make me stop loving you. And nothing is going to be weird. You can talk about it whenever you want and dress how you like… I’m completely fine with it. You always look so stylish to me anyway; I don’t think this would be that much different. But if you need to talk about it or if I say something that bothers you about it, please let me know.”

 

I bit my lip. “It’s just. You’re always very…proper, Luddy. And I know you prefer it when I look proper too. I mean, I’m just wearing a pair of boxers and a shirt right now… Normally, that wouldn’t be…okay.”

 

My boyfriend pressed his lips together and frowned thoughtfully, “I suppose I haven’t really given you any reason why I’d be comfortable with you dressing outside the norm in the past… It’s true I’m not really big on PDA or dressing indecently in public, especially when we have guests or anything, but if you’re willing to be open and honest about yourself, then I’m ready to support you how ever you need it. I know how much it’s taken for you to get to this point and I won’t be the one to stand in your way. I don’t want to be another obstacle for you to have to overcome.”

 

I nodded pushed a lock of auburn hair of out my eyes, tucking it behind my ear. I blinked and thought about what I really wanted to do. Did I want to walk around on a day to day basis wearing dresses? Or did I just want to wear dresses and makeup and everything if I was just going out to a gay club or a private party? Of course, more than likely I wasn’t going to wear some of the formal wear I designed out on everyday errands but did that mean I’d wear sundresses? I wasn’t sure. And what would other people in public say? It seemed the world was dangerous enough if you were gay, lesbian or trans, but to walk around as someone who identified as a man who just liked to wear dresses? It was a little intimidating. Would I be harassed?

 

“I’m not sure. I hadn’t really thought about it that in-depth and how the general public would react or if people would bother me about it,” I said finally.

 

Ludwig looked at me considering, “I want you to be happy and be who you are. I admit that I am a little concerned for your safety though. But if what you said before says anything to me, it says you’re somewhat used to living a little fearfully, maybe it’s time to be brave and be yourself. Maybe start little by little and see what makes you feel okay,” he suggested. “I’ll be here and I want to go out with you as much as I can to spend time and make sure you’re okay.”

 

I nodded staring at my fork, a piece of slightly wilted lettuce clinging to the tangs. I could understand where Ludwig was coming from, but I was just so tired of being afraid. I wanted to face this new reality, the one I really wanted and pretty much had hid from for years, head on.

 

He squeezed my hand gently and brought it to his lips, laying a kiss on my knuckles.

 

“Do you have any outfits you want to model now?”

 

I shook my head, “No, I’m working on a few but they’re for the models I’ll be using. Maybe I’ll ask Eliza to help me re-size one I made for school. There’s one that I really like. It’s a shimmery dark blue with a scarf. I really like how silky it feels.”

 

Ludwig smiled thoughtfully, “I can’t wait to see it.”

 

I squeezed his hand back. We’d figure it out, one step at a time.

 

\--

 

The next day I met Ludwig after work.

 

…

 

He’d taken a psychology program at university to better understand his own issues a little better (he didn’t see OCPD as an issue initially, but eventually it was pointed out and became somewhat apparent) and was now working with youths at the local high school. I was so proud of him. He’d been working at the grocery store and volunteering at a clinic and going to school when I’d met him. He told me that he didn’t want to be in too much debt when he graduated and he refused to let Gilbert pay all their household bills. Gilbert had a good job at a bar—actually the one up the street from O’Reilly’s (where we had our first date)—and was really good at selling. He rarely touched his (admittedly terrible) wages, and lived off of his tips. That said, he didn’t mind taking care of the household bills but Ludwig always paid for as much as he could with his own wages.

 

Ludwig had said with a shrug like it wasn’t really that important anyway (I think he was right), “We didn’t have much growing up. We’re used to saving.”

 

I felt like every time I learned something new about my boyfriend, I couldn’t have been more amazed. He told me that a lot of people in his life had found his OCPD really unbearable, but I just saw it as one of his quirks. To me, it seemed like it was part of who he was.

 

“So does anything make it better?” I asked when he told me.

 

“Uh I used to take anti-depressants that were prescribed by my doctor but the effects are terrible. They made me sick and drowsy. I tried a few different brands but none of them quite fit, so now I talk to a therapist.”

 

“Do you think hugs and kisses would help?” I asked, wanting nothing more than for him to be healthy and happy—he was always so serious!

 

His cheeks reddened and he looked down, shrugging lightly. I grinned and took that as my cue to hug him and kiss his cheek. He turned even redder and pushed me back slightly, muttering, “We’re in public.”

 

That had been our third date. That night when we parted at my door saying goodnight, I stood on my tip toes and kissed him hard. Eventually he closed his eyes and kissed me back, cupping my face with those big, warm hands and leaning his head down a little once my feet started to get a little tired. I really liked him and we had pretty much just met; I knew he was a special one for me.

 

A few seconds later the sky had opened up and dumped a downpour on us. We scrambled into my apartment and though Ludwig said he could just run to his car with the red umbrella sitting next to my door, I protested.

 

“But Luddy! You’ll get sick! At least dry off with a towel,” I pleaded. Secretly I liked having him in my apartment. He was so awkward and big filling up the space of the front door, looking like he felt really out of place. It was different than what I’d seen of him before—he seemed confident whenever we were out. I wondered if he was uncomfortable being in my home for some reason, I mean, besides his OCD. My place had seen cleaner days.

 

I ran to the bathroom and pulled out a fluffy, clean bath towel and wrapped it around Ludwig who was still standing at the door. His shoes were squelching but he looked like he was trying to ignore it.

 

“Why don’t you sleep here tonight?” I offered.

 

He blinked in surprise. “What? No, I can’t. I have to walk my dogs early tomorrow. Gilbert walked them this morning and tonight.”

 

I pouted making eyes at him begging him to stay. “You can always leave extra early tomorrow. I’ll set an alarm.”

 

He pressed his lips firmly together and sighed, “Fine.”

 

I grinned, “Yay! We’ll have a slumber party!”

 

He arched a brow, “Seriously?”

 

I pursed my lips together thoughtfully, “Well okay maybe not, but you have to sleep next to me. I love cuddles.”

 

His cheeks burst into flames and he looked about two seconds from bolting out the door.

 

“Fine fine! You can have my bed; I’ll sleep on the couch!”

 

“No, I’ll take the couch. It’s your bed after all.”

 

“No no, you’re my guest so you get the comfier spot,” I told him, stubbornly.

 

That night after he’d gone to sleep, I crept back into my room and under the covers next to Ludwig. I really did want to cuddle with him. He shifted a little behind me and paused. I heard him swallow but I kept my eyes closed and breathing steady, pretending to sleep. Slowly he exhaled and shifted closer to me wrapping one of his beefy arms around me, breathing against my neck. I swore he smelt my hair. For all his denials, he certainly liked cuddling. I smiled victoriously and relaxed finally feeling at peace.

 

…

 

I smiled at the memory.

 

“Feli? Feliciano!” called Ludwig’s familiar voice, he sounded a little frustrated.

 

“Huh? _Cosa_?” I blinked and saw Ludwig standing there looking so professional in his grey-blue suit. I eyed the tie and nodded to myself, ‘Good choice’. I usually picked out his ties and he was wearing one of the new ones I’d bought him for his last birthday.

 

“You’ve been standing there staring into space for the last couple of minutes. Ready to go, _Liebling_?” he asked.

 

“Oh! _Si_. I am. I was just thinking about our third date,” I grinned.

 

He sighed and shook his head, “If I’d only known then what I was getting myself into…”

 

I pouted.

His lips twitched into a small smile, “You were awake that night, weren’t you?”

 

I opened my mouth; I honestly thought I’d played it so cool. “You knew?”

 

He huffed out a chuckle, “I suspected.”

 

“You didn’t do anything about it,” I pointed out thinking back that he hadn’t left the bed.

 

“Sure I did.”

 

I blinked and smiled slowly remembering the cuddling. “You’re right, you did.”

 

He smiled at me wryly, “Shall we go then?”

 

I nodded. We walked over to his car and he opened the passenger door for me. I gave him a little curtsey and sat down carefully mindful of my outfit. I was wearing a grey fitted trench coat, black leotards, and small-heeled grey wedges. The outfit underneath was a surprise. I was wearing some very faint makeup, a bit of foundation, bronzer, and lip balm but that was about it. I didn’t want to freak anyone out too badly.

 

“So what are you wearing tonight? It is after all your graduation celebration party.”

 

I winked at him, “I’ll show you when we get there.”

 

It was going to be surprise for Ludwig, Lovi, Antonio, and Eliza. And probably Roderich too, I would think. I hadn’t really shared that much with the Austrian man but he seemed friendly enough, if not a little particular personality-wise. He was a talented musician (Eliza had given me some of his classical music albums as gifts in the past) and he was good to Eliza so there was that. Eliza and I tended to go out to fancy new spots for our BFF lunch dates and dinners rather than eat at either of our places.

 

The dinner tonight was just meant to be a double date with Eliza, Roderich, Ludwig, and myself but after Ludwig and I talked, I decided to come out about my cross-dressing to everyone I cared about so I invited my brother and Toni. (Gilbert had been invited too but he regretfully had to work.) I felt a wave of bitter sadness wash over me when I realised that Nonno was no longer one of those people I could say mutually cared for me. I had the feeling that I would always carry this pain inside. After Mama and Papa had passed away in the car accident, Nonno had taken Lovi and I with him back to Italy and pretty much raised us. We came back here as teenagers with him and that’s when everything went to hell in a hand basket.

 

“Feli?” Ludwig was frowning at me and held out a tissue. “You’re crying.”

 

I frowned, “No, I’m not.”

 

He reached forward and thumbed away a tear on my cheek. We were stopped in the parking lot and the romantic light of the French style restaurant shone in on us. I sniffled and brushed away the remaining tears with the tissue, “I’m okay. I was thinking about Nonno.”

 

Ludwig pursed his lips like he wanted to say something but had thought better of it.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I’m happy to be here with you, and so is every single person you invited to that dinner. There’s nothing about you that needs fixing and anyone who says otherwise has no idea what they’re talking about,” he said finally. He glanced out the window to see if anyone was looking in before placing both hands on either side of my face and leaning forward. He kissed my eyes, my nose, and my lips. “I love these eyes.” Kiss. “I love this nose.” Kiss. “I love these lips.” He pulled away and said, “And I love you most of all.” Kiss.

 

I smiled and squeezed his hand, “ _Ti amo_ , Luddy.”

 

“Ready to go?” he asked as he slipped out of his seat.

 

“ _Si_ , it’s a celebration night!” I swallowed back the ache in me and made a show of hopping out of the car excitedly. I grabbed a small mirror from my pocket to make sure my makeup hadn’t smudged too much. As soon as I was satisfied, Ludwig took my elbow and steered me to the entrance of the restaurant. It was a new one and I’d read good reviews online about it. Supposedly the chef was from France, had studied at Cordon Bleu in Paris, and had won several prestigious awards.

 

\--

 

We walked in and took in the beautiful restaurant. The modern-looking light fixtures were dimmed casting mood lighting over the deep wine-coloured table clothed tables which gave the whole place an intimate feeling. There was a young host standing at the host table dressed impeccably. He was tall, slender, had curly light blond hair that hung around his ears stylishly, slim glasses, and an errant curl hanging over one of his violet-coloured eyes. He wasn’t that remarkable to me but seemed friendly enough.

 

“ _Salut_ , I’m Matthieu. Table for two?” he asked in a very soft-spoken French accented voice. I had to strain to hear him.

 

Ludwig corrected him, “Actually we’re here with a party under the name Vargas.”

 

He nodded and led us over toward a nice private spot, “Please come this way.”

 

We walked through the restaurant, the carpet was dark and Ludwig held my elbow. I walked carefully but expertly in my heeled shoes and barely noticed a curly-haired man in one of the booth seats sitting alone with a glass of wine and a bottle next to it. He was bent over the glass and shrouded in darkness, his face covered. I frowned and turned my head to look at him, he seemed familiar.

 

“Feli?” Ludwig’s voice brought me back.

 

“I’m ready, Luddy. _Andiamo_!”

 

I saw Toni sitting at the table sipping some ice water, his bright green eyes twinkling as he caught sight of us. Roderich looked up as we approached and nodded.

 

“Feli!! Ludwig! How are you?” the Spaniard asked happily, jumping up to kiss my cheeks which I returned.

 

“ _Si_ , Toni! We’re well,” I said with a smile.

 

Toni tried to kiss Ludwig’s cheeks but he awkwardly stuck his hand out to shake Toni’s instead. Toni wasn’t bothered and shook the proffered hand and clapped his back.

 

Roderich nodded to Ludwig and I hugged him and kissed his cheeks. His cheeks reddened and he looked impossibly awkward but he patted my back. It was a good thing Ludwig was immune to my affectionate gestures by now, well mostly he was.

 

“Can I take your coats?” asked that quiet voice. I jumped when I realised that host was still there, I thought he’d disappeared. What was his name again? I wondered.

 

I blinked. “Um, actually not me. I’m more comfortable with it on right now.”

 

Ludwig handed his jacket to the slight man and he nodded, “Your waitress will be with you in a moment to take your orders.”

 

I sat down beside Ludwig, Roderich sat next to Ludwig’s left, and Toni sat across from Roderich.

 

“So where are Eliza and Lovi?” I asked.

 

“Lovi’s picking out the wine. He was friendly enough to the waitress, but when he asked to see the ‘other’ wine menu, she had to go ask her manager. Her manager is the chef! You should have seen the argument he had with him!” Toni said fondly.

 

I huffed out a laugh, Lovi would never change. I was just glad he’d found someone as kind, sweet and patient as Toni.

 

“Eliza’s in the ladies’ room,” Roderich said.

 

As if she’d heard her name, Elizaveta appeared looking stunning in her little black dress with capped sleeves and an exposed back. Her hair was long and she’d curled it a little.

 

“Feli!” she cried out happily and hurried over to me.

 

“Eliza!” I responded. I grinned and kissed her cheeks and she returned the gesture.

 

“Congratulations!”

 

I grinned broadly, “ _Grazie_!”

 

She narrowed her eyes as she looked me up and down. Then she smiled victoriously when she saw my shoes.

 

“Feli? Aren’t you warm? You should probably take off that very long trench coat. Let’s see you,” she said as though she was about to rip the thing off.

 

I bit my lip, “Um in a few minutes.”

 

She raised an eyebrow and nodded a grin practically breaking her face in half.

 

Roderich scrunched up his face in confusion and Toni tilted his head.

 

Then before I had to say anything, my big brother Lovino Vargas burst in, wearing a very crisp, dark Armani suit and well-suited tie. He walked quickly from the entrance to the restaurant holding a paper bag with a wine bottle that looked suspiciously like the ones we used to have in our old wine cellar. He placed the bottle down on the table muttering curses about how fucking stupid this French bastard was for not having good Italian wine. He looked up and spotted me and smiled a little.

 

“Feli, glad you and the potato bastard made it,” he said eyes shifting over to Ludwig and giving him a scathing look.

 

“Loviiiiiiii,” Antonio gripped his hand and pouted. “Come on,” he muttered quietly.

 

Lovi shook his boyfriend’s hand off and crossed his arms and sighed, “Fine. But just for tonight. And only if he doesn’t say something fucking stupid.”

 

Ludwig stiffened next to me, he was sort of used to this behaviour from Lovino but he still wasn’t sure exactly what he’d done to merit his hatred. I’m pretty sure Lovino just didn’t like the idea of anyone dating me who, according to him, always needed to be looked after.

 

I greeted him with cheek kisses which he returned and glared at anyone smiling at us ready to cuss them out.

 

“ _Congratulazioni_ ,” he said.

 

“ _Grazie_ , _fratello_.”

 

Ludwig pulled out my chair for me to sit and everyone else sat down. Soon the waitress showed up, “ _Bonsoir mademoiselle et monsieurs_. Welcome to _Palais Sophistiqué_. My name is Angelique and I will be your waitress for tonight. Our soup du jour is the French onion soup and our main entrée is _le poulet bonne maman_ which is our juicy fresh cut chicken breast with vegetables. Is everyone ready to order drinks?”

 

She was a pretty enough girl with dark mocha skin, light brown eyes, and dark chestnut hair tied into a bun at the base of her skull with a red ribbon. She looked a little nervous as Lovino rolled his eyes, she must have heard the argument between him and the boss. I felt a little bad for her. Lovi could be intimidating if you didn’t know him well but he was a giant flirt when it came to girls.

 

“Bubbly water and flat water for the table, _per favore_?” Lovino broke out and challenged anyone to correct him or suggest anything else.

 

Everyone shrugged and murmured, “Sounds good.”

 

“ _Bon_. I’ll give you all a few minutes to decide what you’d like to eat this evening,” she said with a small bow of her head.

 

“Feli!” Eliza stage whispered across from me.

 

I looked up and she pointed at my coat. I bit my lip nervously and breathed deeply. I felt Ludwig take my hand from under the table squeezing it reassuringly.

 

“Ah first of all, thank you all for coming tonight. I really appreciate you all taking time out of your lives to celebrate with me. Um well some of you already know about what else I have to say but I wanted to do it with everyone here,” I took a deep breath and figured if I said it fast then it wouldn’t be as big of a deal. Most of them knew already, I was being stupid but I was out in public and it was just different.

 

Lovino narrowed his eyes and scowled at Ludwig and looked down at my hands. He seemed to relax after a moment though.

 

“Since I was little, I was always a little different,” I swallowed. “But not just in the way people think. You see…I’ve always liked to dress up. And uh it’s not that socially acceptable in public to dress how I like to in private. It’s nothing bad, I swear!”

 

Lovino rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to tell me to hurry the fuck up. His words, not mine. Ludwig gave him a look and my brother sat back arms crossed.

 

“Um so it’s better if I just show you, I think,” I stammered and stood slowly undoing the buttons of my coat and the belt. I pushed the trench off to reveal the new outfit I was wearing and loved so much. It was a grey and black frock made with tweed and leather (only at the waist) with capped sleeves and a bodice that cinched at the waist and flared out only stopping a few inches above my knees. I also wore a thin silver bracelet on my left wrist which accented the look.

 

I looked down, hands clasped, eyes lowered self-consciously.  

 

Then I heard a whistle, “Feli, I didn’t know you had it in you!”

 

I blinked. Gilbert sauntered into the restaurant cocky attitude as usual with a fitted jeans, an open black sweatshirt, and a loose black graphic t-shirt depicting a very literal comic called “How to Pick Up Chicks”. The image was of a pair of hands enticing a baby chick with bird feed which led to the conclusion of a baby chick sitting on the head of the comic character.

 

Ludwig looked up and scowled at his older brother, “That was rude.”

 

Gilbert shrugged.

 

“It was a compliment,” he said with a grin. “By the way, did you see that hot blond at the host table. How freaking adorable is he?”

 

“Who?” Ludwig blinked and shook his head. “Never mind, I thought you had to work.”

 

“Totally, but then I told my boss my brother’s boyfriend was having an awesome graduation dinner and it would so not be awesome if I didn’t show up to crash it!”

 

“Naturally. Sit down and stop making a nuisance of yourself,” Ludwig said dryly.

 

“Someday that stick up your ass will come out,” the albino informed him and pulled a chair up from another table. 

 

Ludwig sighed and said, “You look amazing, Feli.”

 

“I love it, Feli!” Eliza gushed and pulled me into a hug. She looked over at Gilbert and shook her head.

 

Antonio smiled and took my hand twirling me around. “ _Magnífico_!”

 

“Why the fuck are you here, potato bastard number two?” Lovino glared at Gilbert. “No one invited you.”

 

“Lovi!” Antonio pouted.

 

“What? You didn’t say I had to be nice to his fucking brother,” Lovino said irritably. Antonio closed his eyes and shook his head. “Fine, but you owe me.”

 

“Actually,” Gilbert interrupted. “Your little bro did,” he grinned and turned to me for a hug. “You didn’t think I’d miss your big debut, did you?”

 

Lovino scowled at the man but nodded to me and said, “Looks good, _fratello_.”

 

Roderich was a little shocked by the whole display, and little irritated with Gilbert’s unexpected presence. He and Eliza had history. He reached over and pulled his girlfriend a little closer. Eliza looked like she wanted to protest but looked at me and sighed exasperated. The Austrian real estate agent looked at me and nodded, “Very brave, Feliciano. Classy outfit.”

 

I was so overwhelmed by the positive reaction my eyes teared up. I grinned widely and wiped away the tears that accumulated.

 

“So yeah, that’s what I wanted to say… Thank you all for coming,” I said as I sat down.

 

The waitress came back, placed a basket of breadsticks and butter, and looked us all over to see what we were going to order. Ludwig had already looked over the menu when he’d first seen it and murmured to me, “I think you’d like the seafood dish. I know you like clams.”

 

I nodded, “Thanks for looking it over for me, I think I’m in the mood for seafood too. I’d like to start with a salad.”

 

The others all placed their orders for appetizers and entrees. She took down the orders and surreptitiously kept glancing at me. I was feeling a little uncomfortable with the stare, suddenly feeling like a circus freak.

 

“If you like his dress, you can just say so,” Lovino looked at her pointedly. I guess he noticed my squirming.

 

She blinked, “ _Oui_ , I do. _Tres beau_. Who’s your designer?”

 

I looked down and then smiled, “I made it.”

 

“ _Vrai_? It’s lovely! Would you consider making one for me?”

 

“ _Si_ , I can. Here’s my business card,” I said, pulled one out of my coat pocket, and passed it to her when she walked by me.

 

After she left with everyone’s orders, Eliza said, “Oh my god! See? I told you! You’re going to be famous!”

 

I laughed, “I guess I have to have some luck sooner or later!”

 

“You’re talented, Feli. And I’m so helping you!” she said. Everyone broke into their own conversations as we talked.

 

Besides the few times Ludwig had to remind his brother that he was in a formal restaurant and he should behave like it because there were rules for this sort of thing, the rest of the dinner went off without a hitch. The food was delicious and Lovino forced our wine on everyone, even Gilbert who insisted he just wanted a beer, chill out. The chef came out half way through the meal to see how we were doing.

 

“Ah _mademoiselle et monsieurs_ , ‘ow are we all doing tonight? I trust the food is to your satisfaction?”

 

I nodded, “ _Si_ , it’s yummy!”

 

“Oh _bonjour_! You must be the one Angelique was talking about. You made that outfit?”

 

“I did.”

 

“I also ‘eard a congratulations is order, _oui_? For graduation?”

 

“ _Si_ , it’s a celebration dinner.”

 

“Hey, Francy Pants!” Gilbert called out to the chef. I had a hard time reconciling that they knew each other or may have even been friends but they seemed to know one another.

 

“Gilbert! _Ca va_?”

 

“Aww Francis, missed you!” Gilbert clapped the other man on the shoulder. “So who’s your freaking adorable host?”

 

“Ah, that is my sweet, little cousin, Matthieu and I would thank you not to bother him,” he said, voice a little dangerous.

 

“Sure, I’m too awesome to bother someone so cute,” Gilbert said boastfully.

 

Francis smiled a little viciously and replied lowly, “See that you don’t.”

 

Everyone else nodded and complimented Francis’s cooking except for Lovi. He crossed his arms, “It’s fine. Just be sure to get a larger wine selection.”

 

Francis smiled like he’d been forced to eat broken glass, “Of course, Monsieur Vargas.”

 

“ _Bonsoir_ , _bon appetit_!” he said with a flourish and went back to the kitchen.

 

Every continued their meals. It was a really great night so far, I thought. Ludwig pointed out the dessert that looked really good, a rich chocolate cheesecake, so we decided to get that to share the cake and have coffee when the waitress returned.

 

Antonio gently tapped his wineglass with his fork and cleared his throat, “I just wanted to toast Feliciano to his graduation and to his bravery to be honest in a dishonest world. It’s not easy to be who you are, but I’ve seen you become more confident over the last couple of years that I’ve known you. _Felicitaciones_!”

 

Everyone raised their glasses and clinked them together. Soon our pretty waitress, Angelique had come back and took our dessert orders. I ordered the cheesecake and two espressos for Ludwig and I.

 

Gilbert shook his head and said, “I’m good. I gotta go get cute blondie’s phone number before he disappears and grace other people with this level of awesome. Plus Gilbird and the dogs have to eat and I have a six pack of beer in my fridge that needs my attention.”

 

Gilbert was surprising sometimes. One moment he seemed like the most lax and lazy person alive, but he had moments where he showed he could actually be responsible if he wanted to be.

 

He dropped some cash for his meal in front of his brother and winked at him, “Have fun, little _bruder_!”

 

Ludwig coloured and sighed waving his brother off.

 

“Toni, see ya tomorrow, man. Franny and I are hanging and you’re coming with,” he said over his shoulder.

 

Toni smiled, “See you then!”

 

Lovino elbowed his boyfriend in the ribs and got a pout for his troubles. “You owe me so much,” he muttered. “Putting me through having to be nice to two potato bastards tonight…”

 

Toni winked at him, “Don’t worry. I fulfill on my promises.”

 

Roderich looked a little green while Eliza’s eyes glazed over, she pulled out a camera and took a picture of the couple. She was such a funny girl, I thought. She was my best friend and that was part of her character. Then she called everyone’s attention, “Group picture!” She called the waitress over and asked if she wouldn’t mind taking the picture for us. She nodded and snapped it.

 

Eliza smiled, “Thank you!” She tucked her camera away.

 

After that, everyone else’s desserts arrived and it seemed to go over well.

 

I clasped Ludwig’s hand under the table as we shared the cake.

 

“I’m glad we did this tonight,” I said looking up at him.

 

Ludwig squeezed my hand, “Me too. I’m glad you’re happy.”

 

I didn’t say it then, but I honestly thought I’d always be happy with Ludwig around. He did a lot for me but I also was able to do things for him, it was a really good relationship, I thought.

 

Everyone got up after the meal finished and Lovino threatened anyone who tried to help pay. It wasn’t as if money was a problem for him and he insisted that the meal was his treat. It’s a party for Feli after all, he said gruffly. I hugged him and kissed his cheeks. He rolled his eyes and patted my arm before he pulled my hands off him.

 

Ludwig helped me up and helped me put my coat on.

 

I told Ludwig I needed the men’s room before we left and he nodded and waited at the door talking to Roderich. I went into the nice bathroom and closed the door behind me and went to the stall. Then the door locked behind me. I frowned at the noise and looked behind me. The man from earlier when we walked in was standing there. I looked up and my mouth dropped open slowly.

 

It was Nonno!

 

His eyes were a little glazed over—he looked a bit drunk--and he was glaring at me.

 

I backed up clinging to my trench coat, my hands were shaking and my breath was coming faster. What was he going to do?! I thought fearfully. My breathing was coming faster and I knew that if I didn’t get my breathing under control I would pass out, my vision was already starting to get spotty. I curled my fingers into my palms as he came closer…

 

 

end part 3

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! She finally posted! Lol… I haven’t really gone over this but enjoy and if I spot any major problems, I’ll repost. Also, thank you guys so much for the comments, kudos, and support!!! I’m happy to be writing this and I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Here comes the next chapter! I think (but please don’t quote me because srsly this story took me places I hadn’t planned to go--which frankly, was probably for the best), this will be the second last chapter. Then there’ll be an epilogue and I’ve got an idea for a little PruCan side story, cuz ya know, PruCan. 
> 
> p.s. this is utter sap...I'm sorry. Romantic at heart, you know...  
> p.p.s. my apologies for the delay, I do actually write for a living so that usually takes precedence. Now I’ll get back to watching re-runs of The L Word for more inspiration, yes it does help.

Boys Don't Wear Dresses

 

\--

 

“Feliciano?”

 

I took a deep breath and looked up to meet my grandfather’s eyes. His eyes were dark, disapproving and a little shiny and drooped from the excess alcohol. If his state wasn’t obvious through his eyes, it certainly was through the smell oozing out of his pores. In that moment, I felt a drop of compassion fall into the pit of fear radiating from me. Before everything, we were close. I was his favourite. Lovino knew and told me so, I told him otherwise, but in truth, I could see that he paid Lovi far less attention than he did me. The guilt ate at me and resentment for the way he favoured me over my brother (who would do anything for me) built up, making a horrible combination that I held inside for years.

 

My hands were shaking from fear and anger. How dare he? I thought. How dare he treat Lovi so poorly, then throw him out, then throw me out, and now threaten me?! I was furious and that overtook my fear.

 

“Nonno, what do you want?” I hissed out.

 

He glared and pushed me against the wall, gripping my upper arms hard. I knew there would be bruises there but I didn’t care right then, I was too angry.

 

I looked at him and spat right in his eye. Lovi would have been proud. He didn’t see that coming and threw his head back in surprise.

 

“Why you little—“ he said as he shoved me into the wall again, knocking the back of my head against it. It hurt and not just physically, this was my grandpa, my nonno.

 

“Leave me alone! You’re not in my life anymore, Nonno! I don’t want to ever speak to you again!” I told him viciously. I was so sick of feeling bad over everything that had happened when it wasn’t even my fault! Ludwig and I had talked at length about this and he made me realise it wasn’t my job to make him change his views on my sexuality and the way I felt most comfortable dressing.

 

I lifted my right leg and jammed my wedge shoe down on his toe. He cried out and moved his arm up, pressing his forearm against my throat cutting off my air supply. I gasped helplessly and struggled against his hold, eyes widening. He used his leg and other hand to keep me from struggling.

 

“Now you’re going to listen, and you’re going to listen good, Feli. I know you’re angry and I’m still disappointed that you turned out this way, I don’t know what caused this—it must have been your brother’s influence. But until I’m dead in the grave, I will have my say and you will listen to me whether you like it or not. I’m willing to let you come home, to leave this lifestyle of sin, if you come with me, quietly. If not, there will be consequences and not just for you,” he threatened, but something about the way he said it made it sound like a promise. “You have 24 hours to decide what’s really important to you. I expect you’ll make the right choice.”

 

I couldn’t breathe, my breaths were becoming more and more shallow. The spots were dancing over my eyes and my eyes slid closed and everything went black.

 

\--

 

Someone was shaking me, calling my name, “Feli? Feli! Wake up, _Liebling_!”

 

I breathed in deeply, thanking whatever higher power out there for saving my life. I forced my eyes opened, wincing against the bright florescent lights of the bathroom. Someone was holding me in their arms. I tilted my head up to see who. A pair of worried blue eyes gazed down at me, I could see a flash of fear sitting behind that worry and even a little anger. Was he angry at me?

 

“L-Luddy?” I croaked out. I choked and my breath hitched, my throat felt like it was on fire.

 

“Feli, I’ve got you. Don’t try to talk. We’re going to the hospital to get you checked out,” he said as he picked me up bridal style.

 

I struggled uselessly, my brain still fuzzy from the oxygen deprivation. Did Nonno really do that? Did he really try to choke me to death? But he was gone now. Ludwig was here now. Everything would be okay. I think. Didn’t Nonno say something? I think he threatened me.

 

I reached up and touched Ludwig’s shoulder. “Luddy?” I whispered.

 

He stopped and gazed down at me as he walked out of the restaurant. I don’t know if other people were watching or what happened after I passed out but the edges of my vision were still blurry so I focused on Ludwig’s eyes.

 

“What is it, Feli?”

 

“You’re not safe, I don’t think Lovi is either,” I whispered, my throat still not working properly.

 

He nodded, “We’ll figure it out, Feli. Let’s just get you fixed up, _schatz_.”

 

He drove me to the hospital, it turned out everyone had already left and Ludwig started getting worried since I’d been in the bathroom for at least 15 minutes. He came in to check on me after calling my name and knocking on the door. When he arrived I was on the floor with bruises on my neck, my arms, and a bump on the back of my head. He told me all this once the doctors had finished examining me. They asked me what happened and I wasn’t sure what to say so I told them I couldn’t remember who, but someone had attacked me. They wanted to make sure I didn’t have a concussion so they told Ludwig someone would have to watch over me tonight and wake me every couple of hours. He nodded solemnly his jaw clenching as each injury was unveiled to his eyes.

 

When we were finally able to leave, he led me from the wheelchair out to the car, carefully helping me in to the passenger seat. He started the car and drove, never going past the speed limit. I laid my head back occasionally touching my throat and my mind flashing over the events of the evening. Everything was going so well, and then, it just fell apart. Why did that always seem to happen?

 

The door opened for me and I blinked when I saw Ludwig’s hand in front of me to help me out. I stood, leaning into my boyfriend’s body, letting him take most of my weight. I just wanted to feel safe for a little while. He pulled me close and kissed my forehead and lifted me up again. I was exhausted.

 

He carried me to my bedroom, laid me down gently and carefully removed my shoes and coat. Ludwig got up a moment later and came back with a couple of ice packs for me to put on my arms and neck. I blinked and my eyes found the clock 9:45pm. We had gone to the hospital at around 9 so Nonno probably attacked me around 8:45. He said I had 24 hours to make my choice.

 

I shifted and looked up at Ludwig, a thought coming to mind. “Luddy? Did you tell Lovi?”

 

He shook his head, “I called but no one picked up. I left a message.”

 

As if on cue, my cell phone rang. Ludwig reached for my coat and took out to phone to hand to me.

 

“ _Pronto_.”

 

“Feli! What the fuck! What the hell was the potato bastard talking about? He said you were in the hospital? Is this true?! I will fucking slit his throat!”

 

I winced and opened my mouth to speak, but I heard another voice on the line, a calming Spanish voice. “Lovi, Lovi _mi tomate_. I know you’re worried but let him speak. Feli? Are you still there?”

 

“ _Si_ ,” I croaked out.

 

“What the fuck happened, Feli? You scared me half to death. The tomato bastard distracted me earlier and I was so fucking pissed that the potato eater called to bug me but then I heard the message and… Fuck. What did he do to you?!”

 

“Lovi,” I said hoarsely. “He didn’t do anything. He helped me. It was—it…it was Nonno.”

 

“ _Che_? _Che cazzo_?! He hurt you bad enough to go to the fucking hospital? Oh, he has crossed a fucking line!” Lovino shouted in outrage.

 

“Lovi, _por favor_ , _mi amor._ Let Feli explain,” Antonio’s voice said to Lovi.

 

“Shut up, bastard. You have no idea how this feels. I will fucking kill him, family or not.”

 

“Lovi!” I said to stop the arguing on the other line.

 

“Fine, tell me what happened,” he said crossly.

 

“Um…he cornered me in the bathroom,” I said slowly, my eyes looking up at Ludwig’s face. A myriad of emotions crossed his features, anger was the most prominent. I bit my lip, looked down at the fibres in the blanket, and continued my story. “I yelled at him and told him to leave me alone and then he shoved me. I hit my head and he grabbed my arms really hard. I spit in his eye and he tried to choke me. Then he told me that I could come home but I had to leave my ‘lifestyle of sin’ behind. And if I didn’t come home, there would be consequences and not just for me. Then I blacked out and the next thing I knew, Ludwig was there telling me to wake up. We went straight to the hospital.”

 

Ludwig brought one hand around me, soothing me as he touched my back. I rested my head against him still holding the phone.

 

“How long did he say you had to decide?” my brother asked after a beat.

 

“24 hours,” I replied.

 

“Let me deal with this,” he said harshly through the phone.

 

“But Lovi!”

 

“No, this won’t stand. I won’t let it,” he said firmly.

 

“Lovi. _Per favore_ , I don’t want anyone to get hurt,” I said, tears flooding my eyes.

 

“Like he already hurt you?! This wasn’t the first time, Feli,” Lovi growled.

 

“Can we just—can we just talk about this in the morning? Just promise me you won’t do anything before then,” I pleaded. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe we could still mend this relationship. It was Nonno!

 

Lovi let out an irritable sigh, “Fine. We’ll talk about it tomorrow morning.”

 

“ _Grazie_ , _fratello_ ,” I said relieved. “I just—I think it might be a misunderstanding. It’s Nonno.”

 

“ _Si_ , I know it’s fucking Nonno. That’s the problem. You let your feelings cloud your judgement. I know you loved the guy but he fucking threw you out for something you couldn’t control. He threw me out for the same fucking thing. Blood doesn’t always mean family,” he said.

 

I sighed, “Can we just—can we talk about it tomorrow? I’m tired, Ludwig is watching over me in case I have a concussion, and I need to think on this. I promise I’ll call you early.”

 

“Fuck!” Lovi growled out. “A fucking concussion. That bastard. Fine. Put the phone on speaker.”

 

I blinked and pressed the speaker button, “Potato bastard if anything happens to my little brother tonight, I will fucking cut you. _Capisce_?”

 

Ludwig’s eyes narrowed and he shook his head, “ _Ja_ , nothing will. I’ll take care of him.”

 

“Good. Talk to you tomorrow, Feli,” Lovi said finally and he cut off the line.

 

I nibbled my lip and ended the call. What if Nonno had bugged my phone or something? Was I being overly paranoid? A throbbing pain lanced through my head and I winced and dropped the phone.

 

“Come here, Feli,” Ludwig said in his deep voice and gathered me in his arms. “Want me to get this dress off of you?”

 

I nodded and lifted my arms as he undid the zipper and pulled the garment over my head. He pulled off the leotards, careful not to rip it. His cheeks reddened when he saw the black panties I had on. He cleared his throat and pulled those off too. Then he laid me on my side, folded up my clothes, quickly undressed himself and tucked us both under the blankets pulling me close to his chest.

 

“Luddy?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I love you. Will you always be here?” I asked, my voice sounding loud in the quiet room.

 

“ _Ja_ , you know I will,” he said in my ear.

 

“Promise?”

 

“ _Ja_ , of course, why?”

 

“Well… I know this is bad timing but I was thinking, would you want to move in with me?”

 

He stopped behind me and I turned my head to catch his gaze. His cheeks were red but I could see a hint of joy in his eyes. “You’re not just asking because you hit your head?”

 

I stuck my tongue out at him and replied cheekily, “No! I was thinking about it earlier before we went into the restaurant. I would understand if you didn’t want to though, I don’t know what’s going to happen with this whole thing with Nonno…” I lowered my eyes, fear was moving through my veins slowly.

 

“Feli?” he said and cupped my cheek leaning over me.

 

I looked up and met his gaze, “I don’t care what your grandfather says or what kinds of threats he makes to me. I know you’re worried but we’ll figure this out. I’m sure your brother is thinking up a hundred different ways to deal with this situation as we speak. I can’t say that I’m not. But to answer your question: yes. I would love to.”

 

I smiled widely and pulled his face down to me kissing his lips happily and sliding my tongue into his mouth. He kissed me back with equal passion but still more carefully than usual. I knew he was worried about what happened to me even if he didn’t say so. As if he had read my thoughts he pulled away and breathed in the scent of my hair.

 

“I was worried about you today, that scared me more than anything has in a long time,” he said lowly and kissed my head. He eyed the bruising, his eyes narrowing, and bent down to kiss it gently. He pulled me close and I relaxed in his arms.

 

“ _Ti amo_ , Luddy,” I said into his chest.

 

“ _Ja_ , I love you too. Sleep now, I’ll be waking you up in a couple of hours. I set an alarm,” he said.

 

I drifted off, my dreams were restless but I couldn’t remember them. Ludwig shook me awake seemingly minutes later, “Feli? Are you still with me?”

 

“Hmm? Luddy, I’m tired,” I whined. “I don’t like it when you wake me from my siesta.”

 

“I have to, _Liebling_. You can go back to sleep now though,” he said and kissed my forehead.

 

I hummed in agreement. “We can have pasta tomorrow, Luddy.”

 

I heard him huff out a laugh with his ‘yes’ and then I slipped back into sleep.

 

\--

 

The morning startled me awake with its unusually cool, stark light. Ludwig had woken me up a few more times throughout the night and I was sad to have to finally get up for real. Ludwig must have made something for breakfast. It smelt a little sweet, I was excited, he knew how much I loved sweet breakfasts with my cappuccino. I sat up, my bruises were bothering me a little and my head was throbbing a bit. I examined my arms and saw the black and blue bruises were already fading to a purple and green colour. I looked up and saw a trey filled with fruit, yoghurt, and two pieces of toast with jam next to my bed sitting on my night table. My boyfriend had made me breakfast in bed!

 

I smiled and reached for the trey. Ludwig came in a moment later with a cup of cappuccino and grabbed the trey before I could. He placed it on my lap and carefully handed me my drink.

 

“Good morning, Feli,” he said, he glanced at my arms and throat and clenched his fist in the blanket. He sighed deeply and shook his head but set his jaw like he’d decided something.

 

I took the cappuccino and blew on it and took a sip. “ _Perfetto_ , Luddy! _Grazie_!” I pursed my lips and he kissed me. My grip loosened on the cappuccino mug and Ludwig must have figured that was going to happen because he plucked it from my hand and put it on the night table. He slid his fingers through my hair and kissed me a little more desperately. I sighed and kissed him back just as fiercely.

 

He pulled away finally and tapped my trey, “You need to eat, get your strength back, _ja_?”

 

“Okay,” I murmured and I got right to the yummy but simple meal he’d prepared for me.

 

He shook his head when I tried to feed him a grape, “ _Nein_ , I had an egg earlier. This is for you.”

 

I pouted so he took the grape between his fingers and pressed it to my lips. I pulled it into my mouth and chewed. It was sweet and perfect but the peel was a little bitter. It reminded me that with the sweets comes the sour. They’re two sides of the same coin. And as I chewed it slowly, sucking away the flavours and finally swallowed, it made me think that these things always have an ending; whether they’re good or bad, they always eventually end. I did the same with the next grape.

 

The bed shifted slightly and I looked up at my blue-eyed boyfriend. He handed me my cellphone said, “Feli, I’m going to call Gilbert to walk the dogs for me. I’ll just be in the other room. Here’s your phone, I know you wanted to talk to you brother too.”

 

I took the phone and put it next to me before leaning up to kiss him, mindful of the breakfast trey. He cupped my cheek running his thumb along my jawline soothingly and kissed me back. We kissed for several long moments until he gently pulled away and kissed my forehead so sweetly. He raised a brow and handed me the phone again.

 

I stuck my tongue out at him and dialled Lovino’s number. Ludwig gave me one of his little smiles and left me to my call.

 

“ _Pronto!_ ”

 

“ _B_ _uongiorno,_ Lovi!” I said brightly.

 

“Finally,” he said.

 

“Well, I had to have breakfast and Luddy and I were talking...”

 

“I don’t need to hear about the potato bastard right now.”

 

I pouted and sighed, “Fine. So... I don’t want to fight with Nonno but I’m not giving up after all of this.”

 

“Si, I figured that. I’ll come with you when you go see the bastard. I’m arranging someone else to back us up in case things get out of hand though.”

 

I worried my lip, “Do you really think we’ll need that?”

 

“Considering you had to go to the fucking hospital yesterday, I fucking think so,” he growled.

 

I sighed, “Ve, I just want to make peace and maybe make him understand.”

 

He sighed, “I know you do Feli, but if he can’t be reasoned with, we’ll have to take action and that’s why I’m preparing.”

 

I nodded, “ _Si_ , okay.”

 

Tonight we’d figure this out and my stomach was tied in knots. I felt sick to my stomach and a little lightheaded. I breathed in slowly.

 

“Feli, I know you’re worried but it’ll be okay. I’ll make sure he doesn’t try anything. Try not to think about it too much. I’ll pick you up at 6 and we’ll drive over and have this out once and for all.”

 

I swallowed. “Okay.”

 

“Good. Now that potato bastard had better be sticking around today. I have to deal with some things so I can’t be at your apartment today but Antonio is off today if you want company,” he said.

 

“ _Hola_ , Feli!” called the Spaniard’s familiar voice from the background.

 

“Shut up, bastard!” Lovino groused. I could practically see the eye roll as Toni latched on to my brother. “Listen, I have to go, so just stay aware today and I’ll see you tonight.”

 

“Okay, Lovi. _Ciao_!”

 

“ _Si_ , _ciao_.”

 

“ _Adios_ , Feli!” called Toni.

 

The phone clicked off and I pulled it away and gazed down at it deep in thought. I had to figure out what I wanted to say to Nonno. I wasn’t sure what. He’d made his opinion fairly clear and I disagreed with him on it, but I wanted to have some sort of peace with him…and I didn’t want him to hurt me anymore. I sighed frustrated and put my food aside, I wasn’t in the mood to finish eating now. The fluttering in my stomach was making me ill. I did pick up my cappuccino however. I stood and walked over to my easel. I put on my painting apron and changed my shirt into an old stained one used only for painting. I took out a new canvas and squeezed out the primary colours on my palette. I poured some bottled water in my small glass jar and took out my brushed. The canvas had already been primed so I didn’t have to worry about that. The background was a faint sepia colour. I blended my colours and started swiping my canvas with my larger brush, thinking about the vineyards in Italy.

 

The feeling of loss chewed up my throat and made my heart ache inside. I missed my home and I had this feeling that whatever happened today, I may never have the chance to experience it again with my family. Well Lovino, sure, but not with Nonno. I got lost in the lines, shapes, and the textures I made with the acrylic paint and soon the scene of my home formed. It was like I was there just looking at it and it wasn’t thousands of kilometres away.

 

It wasn’t until I heard footsteps behind me that I noticed how much my arm was aching. The bruises needed ice again, I figured, and I needed to drink some water.

 

I blinked when Ludwig cleared his throat, “Feli? Is everything okay?”

 

I nodded slowly, “ _Si_. I just wanted to paint.”

 

He stood behind me, pressed a hand to my lower back, and handed me a glass of lemon ice water. “What did your brother say?”

 

Feeling out of it still, I shook my head in attempt to focus, “Hmm? He said he’s going with me to talk to Nonno and he’s going to have someone else there to make sure nothing happens. I’m guessing it’ll be someone undercover.”

 

Ludwig looked down at me making eye contact, “What like some mafia guy or something?”

 

I shrugged, “I don’t know. Probably. He has a lot of contacts.”

 

The tall blond shook his head, “I guess he likes me then.”

 

I smiled up at my boyfriend, “Of course he does. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here anymore.”

 

He looked bewildered and said, “He has a strange way of showing it. Do you want more ice?”

 

“Si, my arms hurt,” I complained and gestured to the purple bruises on my arms.

 

“C’mere then,” he said and brought me to the couch to clean me up and get me some ice. It was nice that he always took such good care of me. Not that I couldn’t do it myself, I certainly could, but it was a nice feeling being looked after so tenderly.

 

“How is Gilbert?” I asked thinking about how Ludwig had his call as well.

 

Ludwig sighed. “He seems okay. At least he walked the dogs. And now I think he’s stalking that boy from the restaurant last night.”

 

I smiled. Gilbert wasn’t the sort of man to take no for an answer and while his appearance was quite unnerving when you first met him, he had a very spontaneous and outgoing personality with some odd quirks that made him likeable on the whole. I wondered if this boy knew what he got himself into when he and Gilbert had crossed paths. It would be nice for Gilbert to have someone though.

 

“I think it’s nice,” I said finally.

 

“Stalking is not nice,” Ludwig said flatly.

 

“No but Gilbert is that persistent guy. He might get along well with that boy who always seems to disappear.”

 

Ludwig shrugged, “ _Ja_ , maybe. Maybe it’ll stop him from taunting Roderich and Elizabeta.”

 

I nodded and smiled.

 

“Ow! The ice is starting to burn,” I hissed when I realised it was starting to hurt.

 

Ludwig blinked and pulled the towel-wrapped ice packs away from my arms. He gently ran his hands over the cold areas, not pressing but warming them a little. “I’m sorry.”

 

I shook my head, “It’s alright, I’m okay.”

 

He looked at me in the eye and pressed his thumb to the side of my jaw just under my ear. “Are you sure, Feli?”

 

I bit my lip and nodded, “Hey, it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

 

Ludwig leaned forward and kissed me so gently. “You shouldn’t have to.”

 

I could safely say I knew Ludwig pretty well and his nature, he wasn’t a violent guy. He was controlled and steady. I wondered if he’d ever acted any differently, but he’d never really shown that side. Sure, sometimes he yelled a bit when he was really irritated with his brother or I got myself into trouble, but he was pretty much the most non-violent guy ever. Of course, it was entirely possible that he did have things he hadn’t told me about but we all have our things that we keep from others and even ourselves. Still, the thought chose that moment to cross my mind that if I was going to choose someone to be in my life forever, it would be Ludwig.

 

I wrapped my fingers around the back of his neck and ran them through his hair pulling him closer to me letting him know I wanted him right now. He moved his lips to my neck kissing under my ear and gently over the bruises before sucking on my collarbone. I just wanted him.

 

“Luddy,” I moaned out. “Want you, _amore_.”

 

“ _Ja_ ,” he groaned out. “ _Gott_ , you’re something, Feli. I want you too.”

 

He pulled me to him and picked me up like I weighed nothing. He pulled my hips close to his and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I felt his hands pulling at the apron and helped him get everything off me; I undid his shirt buttons and tore it back away from his pale muscular chest. He pushed his black slacks and boxers boxers. I threw my head back when he bit the base of my neck soothing the little love bite with his tongue. Before I knew it, he was pressing me against the wall in the kitchen and I moaned when he trailed a hand down the sides of my body, capturing each nipple between his fingers knowing they were a weak spot for me. He lowered his mouth to lick each nub and the sensations he awoke within me drove me wild. My eyes fluttered and I tilted my head back half-mindless. He quickly brought one hand up to hold the back of my head before I could slam it into the wall.

 

He looked up at me, “Careful, Feli.”

“Please,” I whined. “Please fuck me.”

 

His eyes caught mine and dilated, I wasn’t much for cursing but because I didn’t do it much, it had a stronger effect on Ludwig when I did. He kissed me hard and pressed his hand down my chest, moving past my belly button and reaching my dick, hard and leaking.

 

I gasped out as he took it firmly in his hold and stroked it slowly. He kept moving his hand for a few more moments til I was moaning so loud, it must have been disturbing the neighbours. I gripped his head, pulling at his short hair as little tears gathered at the corners of my eyes, the pleasure was so intense.

 

And a second before I was about to come, he stopped. I moaned, “Luddy! Please!”

 

I pulled his hips closer to mine, encouraging him to press his hardness against me. His eyes closed briefly and he had this look in his eyes like he couldn’t get enough. He exhaled a shuddery breath and thrust his hips against mine, his hardness moving against mine. I desperately reached my hand down and held both of our dicks in my hand, doing everything I could to get my hand around both of them. He ground his hips against mine harder and used his hand to help me keep us connected that way. We stroked together faster and faster feeling the pleasure build up, I never wanted it to end.

 

“Oh _dio,_ Luddy! I’m going to—“ I felt the pressure built up and everything that had built up inside me slid down from my belly, exploding out of me.

 

Ludwig groaned and came not a second later. He breathed, somehow still managing to hold me up. A moment later he was dropping me somewhat less gracefully than usual on my bed and collapsing down beside me. He breathed against my neck as he gathered me from behind, totally spent. For now.

 

I turned my head to catch his eyes, he was giving me that sleepy smile and I grinned back at him.

 

“Kiss?” I asked making eyes at him.

 

He caught my lips in his and kissed me passionately yet a bit tiredly now. I laughed and kissed him back.

 

He held me there and just breathed against the back of my neck. “I’m going to fill up the bath. Do you want one?”

 

“ _Si_ , I’d love it,” I sighed, the thought of being cocooned in warm water sounded like heaven.

 

When he helped me into the warm bubbly water a few minutes later, the last bit of tension I’d had about everything happening just drained out. He washed me and kissed me. He wasn’t a fan of taking baths but today he indulged me by joining me.

 

“We’ll figure out, Feli,” he said into my hair after a few minutes.

 

My eyes were closed and I nodded against him, “ _Si_ , I know.”

 

\--

 

TBC!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
